"Hi, I am a stewardess. Without make up, I look plain, and I am usually dumb."

Over dinner the other day, the BF and I were discussing his friend's new gf, who is a marketing exec. I said that she was really nice and was a refreshing change from the usual unfriendlies he hung out with. And I added that she was quite attractive. The bf then said that the friend, let's call him C, mentioned to him that he can finally see why pilots eventually stop dating stewardesses because it was hard to have intelligent conversations with them.

Funnily, even though I am and have never been a cc, I felt insulted. Obviously because my sister was with an airline for 5 years and she is in no way dumb. I said " Not all cc are dumb."

And I reminded the BF, " you dated one for 5 years you know?"

He then quickly remarks " Oh, yes, of course I did. But you know, with every partner, you upgrade. So, I have upgraded. Much like how you have upgraded to. Ahem ahem." *insert chest puffing action*

In between rolling my eyes and gagging, I told the BF that the ex cannot be as "bad" as he says, obviously cos her face was plastered all over the billboards. No uglies make it to billboards.

"Oh, it's makeup. Without makeup, a lot of them are ugly/unattractive- wan. Like C was saying, he went out with this cc nicknamed JayLo , and dude, he said when she took off her makeup, he nearly died. He said why so ugly wan?!"

And then he continues " Like C's new gf, C told me, when she removes her make up, her face quite plain and uneven."

I then thought to myself, GOD FORBID I should ever date a guy like C who tells his good friend how "plain" his gf looks. Or that without makeup, his gf is one of those people who should never see the light of day.

I guess I'm safe. I'm makeup free 99% of the time. In fact, if it's a good day, I actually comb my hair before I leave the house. And if it's an EVEN better day, I have lip balm (with a tinge of pink!) on. So when I remove my "make up", the bf would be glad to know, I look exactly the same as before.

Ex files

The whole of last night, I was stuck in a dream where the BF had another girl and did not tell me about her. In this dream, I felt lousy. There was surprisingly, no anger. Just a sinking, lousy feeling. When I finally managed to pry my eyes open from the horrid dream, I realised I couldn't call the BF as he was working.

I always thought that if I were caught in a love triangle and I am the jilted lover, I would be livid.

When I was 16, I was the jilted lover and as mentioned before, I wasn't angry. Just very heartbroken. In fact the ex's then gf (whom he left me for) called me and asked "What can you tell me about H that I don't already know?"
I asked her how she got my number and she said the ex gave it to her. And why do you want to call me ? "Cos I want to talk to this ex of his that he constantly talks about."

Even many years down the road, after we had attained puberty, grew some unwanted hair and scored some unwanted wrinkles, I would get a text out of the blue " Do you think, if I hadn't made the big mistake of leaving you when were together, we would still be together today?" or "Do you think there is still a chance for us?"

What does one answer to that? What do you say to a guy who broke your heart?

I said nothing.

Today, he is happily married.

And up to the very week before he got hitched, the just recent ex sent me emails and text messages saying that he misses me and how he doesn't understand how it all went wrong and how he wished he could turn back time.

It's sure to be shitty to be the girl that your partner "settled" for or be the girl whose bf loves someone more than you.

It sure must suck.

The bf's ex sent him angry messages when she found out we got together. There was "you wasted my 5 years!" "you are a jerk!" "I deserve better than you!"

It always pains me to know she feels that way. I always tell him "she must have really loved you." but he will always say "it's not about how much she loves/loved me, it's all about how much I loved her. The trouble was, I didn't love her enough to stay."

I am always petrified of a repeat of my life when I was 16. Because it sucks to be the jilted lover. But I bear no grudge against the third party because I believe that if my bf loves someone more than me, I would gladly let him go.

two weeks minus ten days.

Over dinner yesterday. My friend whines:

"Someone hit my car!"

I gave her the most piteous look. Obviously because I am currently the reigning queen of having car/bikes/whatnot hit the rear end of my car.

She then exclaims " I've sent it to be fixed. I am claiming the guy's insurance."

I then said "Oh, I couldn't wait for the shop to process the insurance and get everything done. Much too long. I was told it would take TEN DAYS!"(written in bold for dramatic effect)

"WHAT?! TEN DAYS? So long? The man told me it would be done before Christmas! He said only two weeks!"

*_*

"Ten days is roughly 4 days less than two weeks."

"Oh."

Who is a lawyer? Me? Nope. Not me.

You pick up the phone. And someone is in dire need of legal advice. You tell them, sorry, I don't do civil law. They say, but you're still a lawyer right? You can tell me some things? You think "Hmm, yeah I am a lawyer, and how hard can it be?"
So you stupidly, foolishly, { insert word which equates to idiot} say "Sure."
The one word I shall live to regret now.

The ramblings then began.
Phone rings, Hey, its me.
Who?
Benedict.
Oh.
So, *asks same questions over and over and over and over and over again*
Gives same answer over and over and over and over and over again.

Repeat above scenario for three whole days.

I'll be damned that the first time I admit I am a lawyer, I get burned this way. I am going to stick back to saying "I'm not working. I am a housewife."

It's so cute, I just had to share it!

Silent question

What do you do when the BF's niece yells for you, but with his ex's name?

You pretend you didn't hear her.

Then you pretend not to be perturbed by it.

Then you silently sit in the corner and wonder to yourself, does his family love her better than you?

But you never mention this incident ever again.

Let me tell you about hypocrisy

I find it absolutely hilarious that some people can talk about politics, can hate politicians and call them deceitful and traitors of the nation, despise those who are angered by the corruption and greed in the country, say that we should be thankful for what we have in Malaysia because there are so many countries out there with so little, yet, in their own little world, they are so obsessed with what people think of them and if anyone says something which is against what they have to say, they dismiss the idea as sheer absurdity.

You know what that means, a degree does not make you smart. Ditto for a Masters/PhD.

How can some people dedicate their whole lives to telling others how much they hate another? Sure, we complain a little bit, but do we call others names and label them bastards? What makes you so absolutely wonderful? I guess it never occurred to these people that it takes a whole lot of time and energy to hate somebody. The irony is that while you say I don't care about you! You actually dedicate quite a lot of time to tell others WHY you don't care and how these people do not matter to you.

No prizes for guessing who the fool is in this situation.

A person who claims to be intelligent, wonderful, self assured, confident and so abso-fucking-lutely fantastic, should never, ever, edit comments on their blogs.

What do you have to fear?

That you be exposed as nothing, but an idiot?

Oh the job we love!

Yesterday at a table with accountants, businessmen, lawyers, pilots and a stewardess.

The whole night went by with questions and statements, all pertaining to...

Aviation.

Is it fun to be a pilot? What fleet are you currently doing? How long does it take to be a pilot? How many places have you flown to? How is the roster like for XX airline? Are you still enjoying yourself?

And then there was :-
"Eh how come company XX the pilot's landing damn bad? I thought we crashed! But pilot Victor from company XY damn good!"
"Eh this stewardess ah, she was supposed to give me my Milo, but she was busy bitching to notice me! So rude! I should complain!"
"How come the girls on board which I have seen so far are not pretty ah?"

Who cares about the accountants and the lawyers or the businessmen?

They are a bore.

Adjo min van.

A friend knows the song in your heart and can sing it back to you when you forget the words.

Death is inevitable.

Let me tell you a funny story.

A year and a half ago, my cousin was involved in a very very bad accident. When we arrived at the hospital, we rushed into the ICU to see him. When we walked into the ICU, we didn't know which was him. Everyone in the room was bandaged and had their faces covered with tubes and were attached to machines.

So after consulting the charts on the walls, we finally found him. Bruised, battered, bleeding and swollen. He had massive head injuries and was barely breathing on his own. We then asked the nurse what happened, and she consulted the chart and said " kemalangan antara basikal dan motosikal."

We then enquiried, "siapa naik basikal?"

To which she replied, "Ntah la. Mungkin dia kot" *while pointing at my cousin*
(these ppl are really efficient I tell you. They don't know when he was admitted, what injuries he suffered, how the accident happened. Nothing. Great. Two thumbs up!)

We sat at his bedside, and said a prayer for him. Telling him he had to pull through. We saw tears streaming down his face. While he may have been in a coma, we were sure, he could hear us.

About two weeks later, my cousin had recovered. And over dinner one day, another cousin revealed to us that my uncle had rushed to the ICU to see him and sat down for half and hour, stroking his hand, talking to him and consoling him. Only to find out later when another family member entered the ICU, that he was talking to the wrong guy. My cousin was in fact, lying on the bed next to the man my uncle was talking to.

That story never fails to make me snicker.

Today, at 1am in the morning, this cousin passed away.

I choose to rememeber everything great about him. That funny hospital story (albeit wrapped in tragedy), the way he had laugh- loud and hearty, he was always the one asking whether we "remember him or not?" (cos he worked in the east coast and was hardly back) and eventhough as the years passed, we saw less and less of him, I will always remember him for the great cousin that he was.

RIP my dear cousin.

You learn to let go, and you get rear ended.

Ever had those days (in my case, months) where nothing goes your way?

I have been having trouble with this one particular condo owner whose condo I happened to fall madly in love with. I made an offer with conditions, he said yes. Now he is being difficult. Making demands and not fulfilling his promise. So after much going back and forth between myself, the two agents, my loan officer and the owner, I told myself, If I can't get this apartment. Then maybe it's just not meant to be. I took a deep breath, told myself and the BF, I'm just going to see what happens. Won't stress myself out.

5 minutes after I told myself that, I got rear ended. Twice. By two different cars.

When I got rear ended, I felt this overwhelming sense of loss and despair. (It's my signature to get really upset and fiery- it's a Rooster thing) I felt as if, yeah, this is what the universe has/had for me these past few months. A month back my immoblizer died and I had to tow the car out of Midvalley. Then I had to change the alarm because the ex could not find the immoblizer key (I bought the car off him) and then before that a rempit on a bike hit my car and subsequently came out to yell at me, then while I was reversing to park, while on the mobile (kids, please do not try this at home) I scratched the car next to mine. So it was a culmination of all that. And that was just for my car. If I have the time, one day I will tell you about the rest of my life.

So there I was, sitting in the car, feeling a great sense of despair. I got out, took pictures of the other cars and proceeded to the police station.

While on the phone with mum detailing the accident, she told me that everything happens for a reason. And a friend I texted told me that at least it wasn't me who got hit by a car. Another in Jakarta (yes you know who you are) could not contain his giggles and told me "hey, I got home today and I have no water/gas! " to which I promptly told him the day before, I went home to a house without water either. So, in terms of bad luck, I think I am reigning right now.

At the scene of the accident, the BF asked "Why are you so stressed?".

Yes, why indeed? Is it the car? The tough sale of the apartment? The good friend I no longer need in my life? The LLM exams I have to study for? The flight to LGK which I may miss tomorrow due to work?

Why indeed?

I need a break. From life.

I'm hiding.

Ever had/have those days where you wake up and nothing looks right? Your outfits don't fit right, your hair is a mess, your skin is crap and you feel like your thighs could lose an inch or more?

If today is the day you feel like that, do not, I repeat, DO NOT flip through Female's 50 Most Gorgeous.

It'll make you feel worse.

Trust me. I stupidly looked at the hotties in there. Right now I feel like crap and am searching for a hole to climb in until they publish something along the lines of "50 people who will make you feel better about your ugly nose/face/legs/tummy/hair."

Til then, I'll be hiding from the world. Thanks.

What if the world ends in 2012?

"You're going to lose everything, how does it feel?"

The world will apparently end on December 31st, 2012.

How does it feel? What would I do?

Should the world end in 2012, what will I do with all the money I would have fastidiously collected over the years? What will I do with the house I may have bought with the money I have accumulated? The car? The material possessions?

What use are they to me?

We all wake up everyday with a list in our heads, with things we want to do, things we want to acquire, things we want to achieve.

Before 2012 hits, this is what I would tell myself to do everyday:-

1) Every night I will go to bed thinking of my family and praying for them.

2) Every morning I wake up to a beautiful face next to me, smiling. Feeling lucky that I have him there for me.

3) When at work, I will try my best, but I will not tire, wear and break down my body for the job.

4) I will love my friends, but I will bump up "love for myself" to first spot.

5) I will not engage in useless arguments with people who do not appreciate me.

6) I will appreciate everything that I have, my 5 senses. I can hear music, I can see beauty, I can feel kindness, I can taste happiness and I can touch another's heart.

That's my list.

What's yours?

Only the strong survive

What makes me think that, it'll all work out in the end?
Afraid to feel bad, better off to try and pretend
I'm immortal, immune to all that is wrong
Just keep on wishing, crossing my fingers so long
Is this helping? I'm growing weaker each day
Can't stop whining, still afraid of what I might say or reactions,
That control us one and all


It's mine, it's pure and as decent as I can make myself
Inside, we all know, only the strong survive.

So now I'm bleeding on myself yes once again
Seems I trusted another deceitful friend
My fault, I should've known the deal
Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer for real
Seems easy, but nothing could be so hard
Trying to guess life's dealing, what's the next card?
I'm surely folding, I don't like this hand at all

It's mine, it's pure and as decent as I can make myself
Inside, we all know, only the strong survive
(Why don't you think about)

Maybe things happen for a reason and wherein lies the answer
To overcome the grieving of lifes unruly lessons
I'm handed in sucession,
It builds my pain which makes me strong

It's mine, it's pure and as decent as I can make myself
Inside, we all know, only the strong survive

When it's mine, and it's pure and, as decent as I can make myself
Inside, we all know, only the strong survive

What's a lady doing in a criminal court?

For the umpteenth time, yes, I do criminal law.

Yes, it's true.

It is as true and as real as the colour of my skin. (No, I do not bleach it with whitening skin care.)

And for the umpteenth time, please do try to close your gaping mouth when I say "yes, our firm does 100% criminal cases" because I know that gape (which I am hoping beyond hope a fly or any other insect will find its way inside) it's your way of telling me you do not believe that I did not accidentally wander into a Criminal Court and that I am actually there for a reason.

Please.

No more " YOU do criminal law?"

No more "Only criminal law?"

And lastly, cut the "I've never seen a lady lawyer in a criminal court before."

Because frankly. that is BS. There are so many female lawyers and Prosecutors doing their thing in criminal courts. I met one just two days ago in the Court of Appeal and her oratory skills were so fantastic, even I was convinced beyond doubt that the Appellant meant to kill the little girl.

As if it wasn't bad enough that Mr. I-do-not-believe-you-do-criminal-law scoffed at the idea that I chose to be in this field, he asked if I have handled any cases of my own.
I replied I was relatively new in the field and was still learning to which he scoffed AGAIN and said "You either have it or you don't. You don't need so much time to learn."

Well EXCUSE ME Mr. I am so great watch me puff out my chest, I happen to LIKE to learn the ropes before I tell my clients I am prepared to defend them. Perhaps your cases involve small petty crimes. Perhaps, if you screw up, all they may have to do is, pay a small fine, or sit in jail for a few months.

For the cases my firm handles, if I screw up, they go in for minimum 5 years and a mandatory whipping sentence. And also, if I screw up, they may be fined up to RM1 to 10 million and jailed for two years. And if I screw up, some of them may be sent to jail for the rest of their lives or be hanged. So, I take that big risk just because I want to show the world "I have it" ? Yes, I may be a slow learner but I heed my boss's advice. "Take your time. Do not be in a rush."

I like that advice. And I shall keep it in mind the next time I talk to someone like you.

Wisdom of Oscar Wilde

"Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live."

- Oscar Wilde

Bad cat mojo

Ladies and gentleman,

It's official.

Cats hate me.

At my friend's house the other day, this conversation took place:-
(upon seeing a small boy approach the cat, and after I was scratched and hissed at by it, I did my civic duty of informing the father of the small kid)

Me: Oh! Don't touch that cat!
Father of kid: Oh, its okay. Cats love small children.
Me: But this one scratched me!
F: *giving the "I said small children, not young adult"* look.
M: So they like small children eh? *inches closer to kid*
F: Yah they do.
M: So if I stand really close to your son, then maybe the cat won't scratch me!
F: Oh no, if you stand close to him, you will pass him your bad cat mojo.
*snatches kid away from me*

*_*

I should stop being selfish, and start being appreciative

In the last two days, I have been prancing up and down Midvalley and Toyota and accessory shops. The reason as to WHY I needed to do so is insignificant. (told the angry story a million times. am quite tired really)

So, the BF has been faithfully sending me up and down, calling the tow truck, getting the mechanic, lepaking with me at the shops waiting for my car to be fixed and never once, did he complain. He cheerfully went about taking me here there and everywhere while I grumbled, whined and complained. And when at 7pm, I was still sitting at the accessory shop waiting for the man to finish with whatever he started, I snapped at the poor guy (the BF not the accessory shop guy)

the BF: Babe, I got you some water. You look like you're thirsty.
me: No, I don't want it.
BF: Have some babe. It will help you cool down. Its hot.
me *GROWL* I DON'T WANT IT.

And it went downhill from there. The BF then became really quiet and reserved.

The next day, I received a text from the BF.

"One day I will tell you why I am sad."

Cryptic message.

I instinctively knew that he was sad (actually more like bloody upset) because I was an unappreciative selfish bitch the whole of yesterday. All I did was whine and complained, growling and snarling. All he did was bow to my demands. Just because MY car had problems. If it were HIS car, and he growled at me, I would have abandoned him at the mechanic, sulked and said he didn't appreciate my efforts.
When I relayed this story to a friend, he said I was a terrible gf really. That I never took the time to speak to him and understand him properly.

All my valiant efforts to say how nice a gf I was, was wasted on him. He said. "You really could do better."

He's right.

I really can do better.

Here's a man who would do anything for me.
Here's a man who does his own laundry and irons his own clothes.
Here's a man who offers to change everything faulty in my house.(the ex never did. a typical conversation with the ex.
Me: my pipes are leaking!
ex: Oh, get a plumber. Duh. I knew that.thanksalot.)
Here's a man who does not need me to clean up after him.
Here's a man who loves me unconditionally.

And if I don't start appreciating the gem that he is, some chick such as the junior FA who saw him at the airport the other day and remarked "HANDSOMENYA!" might just steal him from right under my nose.

Also, in reply to Flyfreak's post about love. Here's the perfect song with the perfect explanation to his queries.



And here's a song I offer to the BF:-


Love's a funny thing, isnt it?

Things that go bump in the darkness of the aircraft

Yesterday over a Japanese dinner, I asked the BF if anyone had died on flight in his airline's history.

He remarked that an old lady died, an assumed peaceful death, as she fell asleep and never woke up. Right after that explanation, he launched into horror stories of how a few cabin crew and technicians had encountered an old lady on the aircraft.

So one friend asked why I chided the BF for telling me horror stories as it did not necessarily mean that I would have the same encounter on flight when I flew with the BF's airline.

I explained that what if, I were seated on one of those empty flights and suddenly out of nowhere an old lady appears beside me and I were to buzz the Flight Attendant, and it would be the same flight attendant that was on my flight the other day from PEN-KUL.

And she will say " What old lady? I don't see no old lady! It's only you seated there."

Well, I wouldn't blame her, cos her hairdo looked like this :-


HOW TO SEE GHOSTS?

Can hardly see anything with only one eye much less see the elusive old lady who haunts the aircraft.

the stupid things I agree to do for a friend

While I was devouring my dinner yesterday, I received a phone call.

I have recently discovered that as I grow older, I have somehow become phone phobic. I hate to have long phone conversations, unless something really important needs to be said. The only people I like to talk to on the phone for long hours are my family and of course the BF. (who is always on panic mode if I do not pick up my phone after two calls because he assumed I must have been mugged and left for dead in some ditch- drama itu my BF)

If not, then let's just keep it short and sweet.

So anyway, I digress. Yesterday at the dinner table, I received a phone call. This one person calls me so often, I may soon have to pretend I died just to avoid her calls.

Me: hello?
T: hello!? Eh tomorrow ah, can do you do me a favour?
M: What?
T: I need you to help me with ( insert stupid request)
M: But why? Then it means I cannot go for my workout la.
T: Oh, if you cannot then I find somebody else la.
M: FIND SOMEBODY ELSE.
T: But there is nobody else.

*_*

M: But you haven't even ASKED anybody else.
T: I am sure there is nobody else.


And while this conversation is going on, the BF is shaking his head and mouthing "No."

M: Oklah. *forlorn*

Today at exactly 9am, my phone beeps.

Text message reads : "Eh, so today you help me with the (insert stupid request asked for yesterday) ok? Thanks!I owe you a meal. "

I may just have to throw away my phone soon. Blackberry Storm or not.

I need a new best friend

Every year for my birthday, I feel like I need a new best friend.

Every year for the past god knows how many years, my best friend lets me down. She is either never around for my birthday, or does not remember my birthday, or does not bother planning anything for my birthday.

No, I do not consider myself a demanding friend. I DO NOT expect a birthday dinner, or a birthday gift. But I DO expect that you remember my birthday. And not because it rang on your Nokia reminder.

So on my birthday I casually told the BF "I am sure she has forgotten today is my birthday."

And sure enough, at 10.30pm, 1 1/2 hrs before it turned the day after my birthday, she smses "Happy Birthday! Phew, I almost forgot cos I set it on my reminder, but for 12am on the wrong day!".

Thanks best friend.

But she did organise a dinner for me. It wasn't a surprise dinner like the one her Bf and I planned for her birthday. But one which she called and asked "so where do you want to have it?" and then invited some people on facebook but never followed up when some did not reply to her FB invite. So, I had to pick up the pieces by making sure everyone I wanted at the dinner was turning up.

On the day of my dinner, she the organiser, turned up last. And she yelled "I am late because of Secret Recipe!" Which meant the birthday cake was obviously not a surprise. She did after all text me the day before and asked what cake I wanted and she tasked her bf to do the buying for her.

Right now, I am sure I seem ungrateful for her planning a birthday. Everyone tells me, "aiya, at least she planned one!"

But isn't it weird that you are told to be thankful,that your best friend made an effort, however small? Is it wrong to expect it of her? I do things for her willingly.

This is the girl who has no qualms abandoning me when she finds new friends.
This is the girl who says she is too busy to meet up, but finds time to meet up with others.
This is the girl who bitched about me behind my back when I first got together with the BF because she felt "alone" but now that she has found herself a partner, has totally sidelined me for him.
This is the girl whom on my birthday, she quarelled with her then BF, didn't turn up at my dinner, turned off her phone and was not contactable for days but made no apology for it.
This is the girl who turned off her handphone for two weeks without informing anybody because "she just felt like it".
This is the girl who makes me wait all the time. And one time she made me wait in hartamas all by myself for 2 1/2 hours because she went shopping with her housemate.
This is the girl whom never returns phone calls or sms-es.

This is the girl whom the BF asks, "Why is it so hard for her to be your friend?"

And this is the girl who tells other people, I am her best friend because I will always be there for her.

Seems one sided don't you think?

And this is why, every year for my birthday, I feel like I need a new best friend.

And when you sit down for a birthday get together, I realise that I can be friends with those that are present since forever, and they will still show up empty handed and tell you "oh I am still trying to figure out your birthday present."

I find that absolutely nonsensical and useless. Firstly, if you didn't get me anything, that's fine. Secondly, if you haven't had time to buy me anything, that's ok as well.If you're flat broke and you really can do without spending unnecessarily on me, that's cool. But if you have to give me this grandmother story about how you have yet to figure out what to get me, or that you owe me a present because you have been so overwhelmingly busy with your life you haven't had time to buy me a present, then that's just wasting 10 minutes of my life. Which I could have used to save the world. Or a lost kitten. Or bring a man back to life by CPR.

And if you have to give me three days of explanation of the fact that you have overwhelming suffocating love for me, that I am on your top list of priorities and that you would do anything for me , BUT you still won't attend the dinner because you do not know anybody there, then seriously. Go sit in the corner and stop calling me with that stupid story.

The BF's friends turned up at the birthday with presents. Not just ANY present, but well thought of presents. There was wine which catered to his taste (bought that because she remembered the BF mentioned he did not like wine which were sweet) and there were Nike caps ( because he remembered BF mentioning he needed a new cap for tennis) and another offered to swap duties with him so that he need not fly on his birthday.

And my friends of 15 years turned up empty handed because "they haven't figured out what to get me."

And this reminds me of that one time I told the BF to return his friend's call because he had just recently broken up and must have needed to talk. And he told me he would do it later and I labelled him a bad friend.

To which he turned to me and said "What is the point of being a good friend like you? Look at how your good friends treat you. They treat you like shit."


*_*

Since when did it become a sin to be alone?

I am no spring chicken.

I know.

Next week, I turn a year older.

As I grow older, more people rush up to my face and ask "WHEN ARE YOU GETTING MARRIED?"
And all these while, while I was with the ex, he never joined me at any family functions. He never joined me at any official functions. Actually, he hardly joined me at any functions at all. But that is another story, today's story is about how, just because I introduced the BF to the family, the extended family, and the friends, now at every function they ask "EH WHY ARE YOU ALONE? YOUR BF- leh?" and then there is the customary.."so when you getting married la?" followed by a wink wink and a smile.

*_*

It's as if it suddenly became a sin to go to functions alone. As if it suddenly means something went wrong with the relationship if I decide to attend a dinner by myself. Or that I am going to die an old sad little woman because I turned up for a get-together solo.

When I was with the ex, we never turned up for anything together. The legal fraternity was of the opinion that I never had a boyfriend. And that I made up those stories to hide the fact that I was actually, deep down inside, a closet lesbian.

So here is a public announcement.

I am not getting married anytime soon. No, seriously, I am not a closet lesbian waiting to be discovered.
It's okay if I am old and wrinkly and nobody wants me. I can live with that. I will just gate crash friends and their families' open houses during festivities. (I have warned them and they don't seem to mind).

Alright?

Envy

What is it about envy that turns us into monsters? Turn friends into enemies? Turn lovers into haters?

Just the other day over dinner, my cousin(J) told me that her sister (S) was always envious of my sister(A). She was envious that A always seemed to have everything. A travelled the world when she joined the airlines. After she left the airlines, she studied overseas and after that she met a nice Italian man and she settled down in Italy. Until today S remains envious of A. And due to this envy, S could never be as close to A as J is to me.

About two weeks back, the BF and I met his good friend, who is also a pilot in the same airlines for supper. Along with him he brought a Flight Attendant from the same airlines. She was relatively new to the country having just joined the airlines a few months before. Over supper, she lamented that she was considering leaving the airlines as she could no longer take the "abuse" she was suffering in the hands of the other crew. When the BF asked her what "abuse" she suffered, she said that on her SNY flight, she was made to stand all throughout (except for take off and landing of course) and she was not allowed to take any meal or toilet breaks. And frequently on flights, she would be ignored by the other crew in the team or reprimanded by them. When she was first introduced to the team, they "loudly" hushed that she had had plastic surgery and that everything about her was fake.

Here was this girl, standing before me, tall and beautiful, and detailing how her confidence was/is crushed by mean, envious colleagues. I told her I understand why they were mean to her, clearly because she is absolutely stunning. AND she is nice. A lethal combination for envious people.

When we see a beautiful woman, we hope and cross out fingers that she is DUMB.
When we hear of a intelligent lady, we hope that she is UGLY.
When we know of someone successful in their career, we wished that she was lonely at the top.
When we see someone drenched in riches, we wished that she was unhappy.
When we see a beautiful woman with a ugly man, we say " He must be rich."
When we see a dashingly handsome man with a ugly woman we say " She must be rich."

We never admire the beauty, intelligence, success, riches or true love that another person has.
We always envy and to make ourselves feel better, we step on the other and bring them down.

And what if this person was a friend? What if a friend was envious of you? I have friends who whisper behind my back just to bring me down. I have good friends who find faults with me just because they are envious of what I have.

You know what Muhamad Ali says?
"Friendship... is not something you learn in school. But if you haven't learned the meaning of friendship, you really haven't learned anything. "

Unfortunately, sometimes we have friends whom we are better off without. And to illustrate a point, what better way than this:-And isn't that the truth?!

If you dare do it, then you must dare to admit to it.

At the steps of the Duomo, in Milan, I, dressed in my maroon jumpsuit-shorts, was turned away entry.

I, the Chinese Asian, dressed in a tube top and shorts, was told "sorry, your attire is not suitable for entry."

I have no problem with the fact that my attire was not suitable for entry into the Church. I respect that. But what I had a major problem was the fact that the man who denied me entry, readily offered shawls for other inappropriately attired WHITE people to cover up and enter. Two black women were also turned away.

If I could speak Italian, I would tell him in the face that he should not stand in front of the church and insult the religion of his nation. I would tell him that he should be ashamed that he should stand in front of a place of worship and insult God. For is it not true that God made us all equal?
How dare he stand there, clearly a racist, and declare himself a Catholic? For shame.

When my bro-in-law went to ask Mr. Racist why he turned me away, he muttered that he turned anyone who was inappropriately attired, away. Please, God gave me eyes to see. And I stood in front of the church and saw you insult God with your actions. You may deny it, but God would have witnessed it. So, only you have to explain that to him if you ever make it to the Gates of Heaven. And if you do, I hope you will be denied entry because you're inappropriately unconscionable. And you're an eejit. But then again, that would be discriminatory. But who cares, you're still an eejit.

On a separate note, would I be a bad friend if I have tried to stop a friend's financial source from continuing because I think it 1) insults her bf 2) causes her to not be independent 3) "cheapens" her?

If she has a bf, but another man gives her money to sustain her, does it not insult her bf? Obviously her bf has no knowledge of it.

Is there a difference between a man giving you money voluntarily and you asking for it, as if , it is as of right? (and we are not talking about married couples here)
To me there is. There is a difference because if he gives it to you voluntarily, he wants to. If you ask for it, it means your friendship/companionship has a price. It shows that you think "because I am your friend/companion/bed buddy, I deserve to be given something in return."

If someone gives you money to sustain you, and you lie to your bf, family and friends about it, that is very wrong. No, I am not judging you. You are entitled to do it. But, why are you afraid to admit it?

If I hint at the fact that you are clawing on to this man for financial reasons, and you get offended that I am calling you a gold digger, when you obviously are, I really am at my wits end.

If you are a beautiful, intelligent girl, why do you sell yourself at a small price every month just for materialistic goods?

You know the Chinese saying?

If you dare to do it, you must dare to admit to it.

three is the magic number

Yesterday I lied.
(oh, oh. Syazsy don't hate me!)

I lied to the BF's friend's(let's call him C) on-off gf (let's call her M).

I lied because I was put on the spot. I lied because frankly, I am not a big fan of M. I lied because I do not respect a girl who makes her bf call his friend, to ask them questions on his whereabouts. I do not fancy being put in a position where someone else's gf asks me "who was with you?" "was there another girl with you guys?" "was he alone or he came with someone?"

What am I? The chamber of secrets?

Firstly, I am not there to spy on your bf.
Secondly, I am not there to spy on your bf.
Thirdly, repeat all of the above. TWICE.

And frankly, if you have a problem with your bf hanging out with other girls, then you can secretly hide behind bushes and go spy on him yourself. And in all honesty, if your bf is the type whom you are suspicious of ALL the time, dump him. Get a better more improved model. Don't go preying on his friends. Or his friends' gf's.

You have troubles with him, you do not alert the whole world. It makes us uncomfortable. It makes us compelled to take sides. And if we DO have to take sides, its not a gender thing girl. I have to take C's side. I know him better, I am his friend. Not yours.

So if you ask me "So how many of you went out yesterday?"

The answer will always be THREE.

If you look down on me, does that make you greater?

I don't really remember what exactly that the BF and I were talking about last Friday when we were on the way to a birthday party, but he did relate a conversation he had with a captain that he was flying with just the day before.

Let's call this Captain N.

Capt N: Ish Ish, apalah nak jadi dengan kaum Melayu sekarang ni. Bartending Competition pun mereka boleh join dan menang! * said while reading an article in the newspaper and shaking his head disapprovingly*

Perplexed, I asked the BF, SO? He is entitled to his opinion. Much so when it is someone from his own race.

The BF then looks me in the eye, all serious, and said this :-

"This is the man who is married, but fools around with scores of flight attendants. This is the man who goes for holiday with his wife, and tells them that the boys are going to do "something else" besides shopping. And the something else is visiting prostitutes. This is the man who smokes and drinks.
A smoking, drinking womanizer is judging a man who is making an honest living? Who is to say this malay boy DRINKS? He might merely by making the drinks, as a job. He doesn't necessarily consume alcohol."

Classic case of "jaga tepi kain orang".

I told the BF, who was clearly agitated (he isn't a big fan of the captain), that people always find the need to look down on others or judge others. Because this made them feel better about themselves. If I point out your flaws, this would instantly make me a better Muslim/ Christian/ insert any other religion.

I have plenty of friends who approached me when I was 13 and told me that if I were not a Christian, I would burn in hell. And when I told my mother that, she told me to tell them "its okay. I would rather burn in hell for not being Christian, then stuck in heaven with someone like you!"

Amen to that.

Dear Y, remember how we were friends once upon a time?

Dear Y,

Sometimes I sit and I think of our friendship of 15 years. And I wonder how a simple exchange of emails could have possibly destroyed that friendship. At first, I was saddened by the turn of events. But today, I am just plain outraged.

Remember when we were back in high school when we were merely 13 yrs of age? My mum gave you a ride home after you complained of tummy ache and your parents were too busy to come pick you up. That was the first time I met you. And til early this January, we were friends. Now, we are merely acquaintances.
Remember how you used to be grumpy back in school? And I would just come up to you and ask you what was the matter?And you would grumpily chase me away? Well I do. I remember how difficult it was to deal with your moodiness but that didn't mean that I did not want to remain a friend.

Remember how you called me crying about your live in bf? And how he cannot commit to you? Remember how you complained about his mother and how he is a mommy's boy? I do. I remember talking to you for hours on the phone telling you not to be upset and that don't worry, if he decides to walk away, I will always support you.

Remember when you called me complaining about your housemate? And how she was talking shit about you behind your back? Making sure that all your friends hung out with her and not with you?And that she was just a bad housemate in general? I do. I listened attentively as you complained about her and I told you, that you did not have to suffer her.

Remember how you were angry with your brother? And how he always talks you down? I do. I told you not to be affected by it because you're a grown woman now. Free to make your own decisions in life.

Every time you were back in Malaysia, I memorised your schedule and made every effort to meet you. I made sure I saw you at every opportunity and made sure I knew exactly when you were flying back so that I could make the most of your time here.

And finally,

Remember how you would shout at me for no reason? And I would not say anything.
Remember how you would yell at me if you are unhappy? And I would not retaliate.
Remember how you would complain that I'd rather spend time with my bf then you when all our other friends never made half the effort I made to be with you? And I didn't point it out to you.
Remember?

Funny you don't.

Because after experiencing a major all of you vs me early this year, I think I have finally had enough.

I have had enough of all of you taking me for granted.
I have had enough of being yelled at and called names such as being judgmental and critical when with every step of whatever decision all of you have made, I have been there.
I have had enough of always being the one who makes all the plans and when I don't I am actually labelled a BAD FRIEND.
I am tired of all of you badmouthing my BF when I have not as much as made a squeak about yours. (And I have known your BF longer than you have)

I am sick and tired of it.

And now, just because I told you off about it, you have decided to ignore me and abandon the friendship and convert it to an acquaintanceship?

At first, I was hurt. But you know what ? I don't care anymore.
You are free to find somebody else to be your friend. You are free to take someone else for granted.
Because I rather be friends with people who appreciate me.

Yours,
Me.

Men!!

Ah, L'Amour by Don Hertzfeldt - The most amazing home videos are here

It's funny how men are deluded that way.

You think you're great just cos you live abroad?

While most Malaysians were still in shock over the death of the political secretary, a suicide bomber ran into the Marriot and Ritz to blow himself to pieces. And one of them apparently is a Malaysian.

A friend then posted a link on her FB. And another commented that she cannot remember when was the last time she heard anything good from Malaysia. Irked, I replied that I myself cannot remember the last time I heard anything good from the country she resides in now and calls home. To which her classic reply was "no news is good news".

What a load of bull.
You know what irks me? Not that the statement was clearly made with ignorance but because plenty of Malaysians who have taken residence in other countries are quick to point out this country's shortcomings.

Even a simple mention by a friend that "Malaysian men have no manners and <insert all other bad qualities possible>" sent my blood boiling. Yeah, we all know you married a westerner. Good on you. But I am sure your brother and your father will be upset to know you think that they are unworthy men. And I am sure, just because you do not know how to appreciate a Malaysian man, OR that Malaysian men do not find YOU attractive, all of them are scums of the universe.

Those of us who actually LIVE and WORK here, are entitled to throw insults, criticise, make fun of and laugh at the situation here because we are directly affected by it. Those who do not live here and are quick to judge, my question is, is the country you live in SO perfect? What are the problems there? No problems? That's nice. I didn't know an utopia existed. Now I do.

I am sorry you forget that Malaysia was the country you were born in. The country that provided you your basic education. The country that did not bar you from leaving it for you to pursue your dreams of marrying a foreigner/ succeeding in a career in a foreign land. The country that with all its shortcomings, you are still too petrified of losing your citizenship (for some weird reason) and the country which you actually originate from. Wherever you are now, you will NEVER, I repeat NEVER be their citizen. It will NEVER be your birthplace. You will ALWAYS remain an outsider.

While people in the country you call home, still hurl racist insults at you and look down on your race, you have ignorantly embraced them like they are your family.

Ignorance comes in many forms. Ignorance blanketed by arrogance is the worst.

I am not saying that I may not one day leave this country in search of different pastures, but at least I can say this for myself. I have worked here. I have tasted the system here. I have experienced the life here. And if I want to go over there and make comparisons, at least I have a basis. But then again I will not. Because at the end of the day, Nothing can change the fact that I am MALAYSIAN. And unlike you, I am not ashamed of it.

MJ tribute my arse.

Bets friend JoL (who is now blissfully in love. Awwww...) dragged me out of my domesticated mode (clean the house. wash the clothes, hit the sack at 11pm) for Mambo Jambo last night. It was themed "tribute to the King of Pop" (or something along those lines).
So me being sort of an admirer or MJ of sorts, I agreed to go. (I even did my "unleash the moonwalk! Who's the King now bitch!" impersonation to anyone who would look/listen.)

It sucked. It sucked so bad I wanted to roundhouse kick the organiser for wasting my time.
Sure, they had the usual things, the MJ impersonator. The MJ songs. But that lasted about say, an hour at the most.

The MJ impersonator danced on the dance floor. Now, unless ALL of us are of the heights of 5 feet to 8 feet, how the heck do you expect people who are standing a bit further behind to be able to see the performance? So half the time, we could hear cheers, but we saw nothing. Nil. Nada. Elek.

So there we were, almost bored to our wits, feeling extremely cheated by the whole tribute thing which was not, we saw a group of girls being chased away by bouncers. These girls I believe were out for a friend's hen night. (a friend whispered in my ear: girls got the whole idea of a hen night ALL wrong, the MEN should outnumber the women! Here there are only girls!Damn salah!)

JoL was also quick to remind me : MY HEN NIGHT I WANT MEN. PREFERABLY NAKED MEN.
Noted.

So, I overheard one of the girls saying to her friend : "we got a table but they F**king chased us away for royalty!"

I don't get this whole uppity nose high in the air atmosphere in Zouk.

No.1 : Do you think those two or three tables of royalty/celebrities will sustain your club if the rest of the non royalty/celebrity do not turn up?
No.2: Who is the paying customer? Who gives the bouncers the right to rudely and roughly push us around? Uncle, who you think is providing the money for your monthly salary?!
No.3: If you are so blardy rich, why don't you buy your own club? And run it the way you want?
No.4 : And if you are SO great just cos you work at Zouk, wait, why do you have to WORK at Zouk? What are the chances that your waitress/bouncer/door bitch/floor manager salary is way below mine? Blardy bitch asses.
(I do not look down on people because of their jobs. But if you piss me off, be prepared to have me spit in your face.)

Yes, I am pissed. I am pissed because people somehow adopt this perangai buruk everytime they work in a place which is considered "happening" or "THE spot in town". They look down on you, they rudely tell you "if you're not on the list, go line up there!", or they ignore your calls for them to replenish drinks, they push you around if you're in the way. What? Your mother never taught you any manners issit?!Sepak kang.

Note to self: Stay home. All the hassle and the bad manners, horrendous dressing, arrogant displays are way too much and so unworthy!

And p/s: Since when do children who look 16 and dress like they are 25 began swarming the clubs?

I feel so old.

Speak to my hand

Today is the day that you talk to my hand.

Because the heart is much too hurt to speak back.

Do not say you're sorry. Do not tell me you know how I feel. Do not mention you will never do it again. Do not promise me this will be the last.

No more you miss me. No more you wish I were there with you.

Because today is the day you speak to my hand.

And the hand does not give a shit what you have to say.

I just want to be happy.

What is it about my future that sends everyone into spins?

Dad has to pull my sister aside to engage in serious "future plans" talk with sis.
Cousins tell my dad about how hard it will be should I venture down that path.
Friends ask about my big plans and whether I would be doing the unthinkable or not.

All these whisperings behind my back has caused me sleepless nights.

All these fears have caused shouting matches with family.

All these worries have made me lose some friends.

And at the end of the day, I guess nobody sat down to ask me,

"ARE YOU HAPPY?"

Because truly I am. If only anyone cared enough to take time to know.

Yes, I worry about the future. I think about the what ifs. I fear for the unknown. And I have hesitations, worries and doubts. Sometimes I push them aside. Sometimes I sit down and think about it. But most times, I have discussed it with people who matter most to me and who are willing to open up their ears and their hearts to listen. If only.

I am blessed that at least my siblings have my back.

I truly do not know what I will do in the future.

I am arming myself with knowledge. I am arming myself with experience at work. Because at the end of the day, I do not want to be here any longer than I have to. I do not want to live here to be judged and ridiculed.

If my parents cannot support me or my decisions, I do not know how others can or will.

So I have stopped asking for it.

If you're with me, thanks.
If you're not, I understand. You can tell your worries to others. You can unload your fears to someone else. I understand.

Now if only you could also understand in turn what I ultimately want right now.

I just want to be happy.

Are you sure you're not some other person?

As I swiped my gym card at the gym entrance the other day, the lady at the front desk, glanced at the computer.
She then asked me " You are Corinne right?"

I shook my head and told her I wasn't.

"But you look like her!"
"Yes, I have been told I look like her. But I am not her."
(Apparently I have a face that people like to say resembles another. So much for being unique.)


"ARE YOU SURE?"(said ala "adakah anda pasti?" in who wants to be a millionaire? hosted by whatshisname who also endorses rice? I forget.)

Now, who asks a person whether they are sure that they are not somebody else???

Of course I am sure I am NOT Corinne. The last I checked, I have yet to morph into somebody else.

I looked at her and said "Yeah, I am PRETTY sure I am not her."

Still she persisted with a perplexed look.

"But last week when you came in, I said HI CORINNE!"
"Did you? I'm sorry, I don't remember."

Right now, my panties are already beginning to get into a bunch because I HATE to be late for my class and what more being made to be late due to a senseless, time wasting, conversation.

So I just said, "Nope, not me."

STILL she persisted.

"Are you her friend?" Like as though this would automatically make it more plausible that I am ACTUALLY Corinne, but disguised as someone else.

"No, I am not technically her FRIEND. But I know OF her."
(silently chanting: please god, let her stop talking so I can go.)

Seriously. Doesn't it just make you want to rush over to the other person and snap their necks whenever they doubt the fact that you say you're not who you are???

*_*

Over lunch one day, the BF's good friend's new girlfriend (wow, what a mouthful) looked at me and said " You look Thai."

I have been mistaken for a lot of different races. Only this ONE taxi uncle who acknowledge me as a Malaysian.

He said " Ah, *pointing at my friend* you nampak macam dari Korea. Tapi you punya kawan *points at me* nampak orang Malaysia la."

Friend then retorts "Apa pasal, dia Malaysia saya Korea? Dua-dua pun orang Malaysia-ma."

His simple reason was :

"You punya mata MANYAK sepet. Sepet punya mata orang korea punya. You punya kawan mata kurang sepet. Malaysia tak adak banyak sepet sepet la. Kecuali itu manyak Cina punya. Atau datang dari itu Jepun atau Korea. Sepet."

Ah bless him.

Looks like there is hope for me yet. I am officially "kurang sepet".

Are you insulted that I think you're a FA?

Over the weekend I went down to Seremban for the BF's friend's club's third anniversary.
We were entertained by a fire eater, which I have to say was not really impressive. But what WAS impressive were the 5 dancers which they claimed were dancers from Quattro. So it being Quattro, and not a ciplak small town ah chi ah beng place(though best friend JoL swears its the place where ugly chinese people go to die), we expected the dancers to be quite hot.

Now, I have no problems with people and their chosen profession, whether it be stripping, dancing, pole dancing etc etc. As long as you do it with class.

So when the time came for the dancers to perform, they marched unto the stage all dressed in "trench coats" and did their hip swaying walk and sultry looks to the deafening silence of the crowd. The floor manager yelled " Are you ready for the hot girls?!"
And he got a very soft and muffled "ya" and a clap here and there. (Maybe Seremban people don't really like dancer chicks in trench coats. I dunno.)

Anyway after the intro, the girls then began to strip their trench coats into, get this, bikinis. Not just any bikinis. But bikinis with RUFFLES. MULTI COLOURED RUFFLES.



much like this one, but with orange, black AND red ruffles. actually scrap that, it was 100% uglier than this bikini. It had 100% more ruffles.

I don't know about you, but multi coloured ruffles don't turn me on. They are not sexy. They are quite frankly, cheap. And when the music blared through the loud speaker, the girls went at each other like there was a prize for the best lesbian impersonation. Can someone yell WTF?
That is not called dancing ok? It's called trying to hard to give the guys a hard on by going at each other like long lost lesbian lovers.

As the entertainment was CLEARLY not entertaining, I got to talking to one of the BF's friend who is planning to join the BF's airline as his current company was....restructuring.

K: OHMYGAWD!REALLY? YOU'RE NOT A FA?
Me: Nope. I know. People always assume I am. Because of the job that he has. K: Not only that, you have the FA look.
Me: What is a FA look?
K: You have the look la. So what do you do?
Me: I am a lawyer.
K: Oh. I am sorry. Are you insulted that I thought you were a FA?

*_*

To which I replied firmly, my sister was a FA. Why should I be insulted that you thought I worked for the airlines?

And all the could mumble was a "oh, I dont know.some people are. especially when you're a lawyer."

Firstly, it is a misconception that FA's are not intelligent. My sister is intelligent. She has a degree in International Relations with an almost perfect GPA. And as much as I would like to think that I am smarter than the BF's ex , he had to shatter my illusion by saying "oh my ex is quite smart. She is especially good with numbers. She figured out the pay scheme and informed the company that we were wrongly underpaid. I don't know how she figured out something nobody could."
oh. great. thanksalot.

And Secondly, it is a misconception that lawyers are intelligent. I have met quite a lot of stupids roaming around the courts, calling themselves lawyers. trust me. they roam amongst us.

And thirdly, if you think so lowly of them, why do you trust your lives in their hands( as well as the pilots) when you fly? They will be the ones showing you the exit, helping you with the exit, telling you what to do in times of emergencies. These girls go through months of training and every time they go to work, they put their lives at risk.

tsk tsk.

the things some people say.

hi, I'm puteh and I HAVE A BOYFRIEND!

Yesterday I bumped into a friend (let's call him X) while I was walking back to my car accompanied by another friend(let's call him Y).

While I was yakking to X, Y had, without saying goodbye or see you later, taken off.

When I finished talking to X(we spoke for like 5 mins MAX) , I turned around and discovered that Y had already taken flight leaving a cloud of dust behind. 1/2 hr later I received a text :-

"Already gone. Drive safe."

Oh, how nice of him to inform me.

So, while I was reading the text, I grumbled to the BF of how rude friend Y was, taking off without even a word of goodbye or a gentle tap on my shoulder to signal that he was going off.

I also related that X had asked me "your date (referring to Y) ah?" and I told the BF "AS IF I WOULD HAVE A DATE SO RUDE AS TO LEAVE ME BEHIND!"

Before I could even finish huffing and puffing, the BF retorts "X does not know you have a BF?"

Here is where my story starts.

What is with guys or girls who are petrified that others do not know they are so and so's bf or gf or those who cannot WAIT to tell others about their bf/gf? Seriously. If I so happen to be with the BF and I meet a friend, I am not going to push him aside and pretend he does not exist. I would of course introduce him. But I am not going to stand atop a hill and yell :-

" I HAVE A BOYFRIEND!HIS NAME IS <>! OHMYGAWDILOVEHIMSOMUCHICOULDDIE!"

I have something against people who refer to their BF's on their blogs/FB/whatnot as "BABY".(Your bf/gf has a name ok? If you want to remain anonymous, then use his initial ke or a pseudonym)
And I especially, hate abhor benci those who update their FB status with "BABY IS BACK!" or "MISSING BABY!"

Dude. I don't care about your bf. Neither do I care whether he went away, came back or is being missed by you. Seriously. If I could, I would stand in front of you and mouth the words "I DON'T CARE" in slow mo and gesture the "WATCH ME NOT CARE" with my hands while slapping you silly with my feet. (I'm bendy that way)

Now, of course it makes sense that I would want the BF to introduce me if I were to meet his friend. Only because I think it is highly rude to talk to a friend and not introduce your date to that person. There is this one particular friend of the BF whom we've bumped into twice. And twice he did not introduce his girlfriend. And twice his gf stood behind, quietly and waited for him to finish talking. And the first time after being introduced to him, he text the BF :-

"Wah. hehe."

EH?

Anyway back to my story.

So, here's what I told the BF, "oh you have not met this friend of mine. How would he know that I have a bf?"

So the BF nods.

End of story.

Actually no, I continue with my story of why nobody actually knows I have a BF. Firstly because when I was with the ex, he never attended any wedding dinners/birthday parties/law dinners/any get togethers with me. It got to a point that people thought I was play pretending I HAD a boyfriend and that I was actually secretly lesbian. And this continued for 7 years.

So when I introduced the BF to a bunch of lawyers at a BBQ which I once-in-a-blue-moon attended, many were surprised that I was not actually, a closet lesbian.

So yeah, I do not announce to the world that I MISS MY BABY, only because I do not FIND the need to tell the world how much I love him, or how much I adore him. Sure, I post pictures of him and I together but I never caption it with :-

"ME AND MY BABY."

jijik la.

When was the last time you were happy?

When was the last time you were truly, abundantly, carefree-ly happy?

I was 9 months ago and I still am now.

9 months ago when I embarked on the journey with the BF, many of my friends( close friends/best friends) tried to bring me down. They poked holes in my happiness, they called me names, they labeled me a bad friend they basically put a big fat overwhelming wet blanket over my happiness.
I did not understand the reason behind it. And until today I still do not. How can you call yourself my friend when you envy my happiness?

When two of my close friend revealed over the last few weeks that they had found love, I was happy, no scrap that, I was ecstatic. I felt thrilled that they had found somebody. Never once did I feel left out or abandoned. Never once did I feel a tinge of envy that they were more likely than not be spending more time with this new person than with me.
Never once did I bitch about the fact that they may choose to be with their partners over me.
I just felt happy.

And when over the weekend a friend told me he had broken up with his fiancee of 1 year and girlfriend of 8 years because he had fallen for another, I cheered him on. I cheered him on because I know how it is to be with someone for donkey years and still think "Is this it?"
And to have "what ifs" with people we meet. He said he felt guilty as many friends made sure that he knew how selfish he was for abandoning something he had built for 9 years and decided to pull the plug and plunge his fiancee's life into darkness.
Is he truly selfish?
How is it selfish to think that his ex fiancee deserved to be loved by someone who can love her right? What is the point of staying together out of obligation? His heart will remain with someone else and he would not be able to love her the way she deserves.
And what type of friend would make him feel guilty for pursuing his happiness?
Not me. I am not that kind of friend.

We are all entitled to our own happiness. We should pursue it to the best we can.
At the first few months to my relationship, my mother vehemently objected to it. We argued and did not speak for a few months. But one day she told me :-

"You live your life for yourself. Not for me or your father. You are only answerable to yourself."

And that is how I intend to live my life.

I'm sorry I let you down

Over the weekend, I found out that I cannot possible have another job other than being a flight attendant, if I date a pilot.

During a break in tennis (also known as me honing my non existent tennis skills) the BF's friend asks :-

"So, how long have you been with company X?"
"Er, I am not in the aviation industry."
"Oh." (I SWEAR I heard a hint of disappointment there.)

After partying on Saturday night (Note to self: When you are way past the legal age to party, it means Saturday nights are better spent sitting at home or catching a movie)

"Are you with company X or with another company?"
"I am not in the aviation industry at all."
"Oh." (Cue hint of disappointment)

Just yesterday, I met some of the BF's brother's friends.

"Where do you stay?"
"Oh, quite far away from here. You?"
"Cheras."
"Wow. That is far."
"But I think from Cheras to the airport its the same distance from where you stay to airport."
"I work in PJ."

*confuzzled (confused+puzzled) look*

"I am not in the airlines.."

ALTOGETHER NOW:-

"OH."(and remember the immense hint of disappointment)

I am sorry, I let all of you down for not being in the airlines.

But I think letting all of them down for not being in the airlines cannot compare to letting the BF's colleague's girlfriend down for being the age that I am.

Chick that I have literally just met for 5 seconds: "HOW OLD ARE YOU?"
"Oh, I am *reveals age*"
"Isn't (insert BF's name) only *reveal age*?"
"Er, yeah?"

And as usual, reeking with sheer disappointment and hampa and duka, comes the:-

"OH."

Seriously.

So, I am not a young flight attendant.

WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM?!

I blame it on the BF I tell you.

Sheesh.

So, for now and until time immemorial, If anyone asks, I AM A FLIGHT ATTENDANT.

This is a $%*&!@^% Public Service Announcement

"Hey, are you free to talk?"
"Yeah sure I have some time.What is up?"
"Nothing la. I just want to talk to someone, but I do not know what to talk about."

*_*

Firstly, let it be known that I HATE/ABHOR/DISLIKE/FIERCELY OBJECT/BENCI TANG TERAMAT SANGAT talking on the phone when, you call me :-

a) and narrate your train of thought;
b) mumble to yourself;
c) ask me the same bloody questions over and over again;
d) tell me irrelevant things like why you cannot go past the toll at 4.45pm, but 5pm is ok;
e) ask me for a favour, then retract the request, then change your mind, then ask again and then retract...;
f) whine. about the same things you whined about last night, and the night before, and the night before that and last week and the month before; AND
f) just because you are free, and you have nobody else to call.

... seriously.

This privilege of calling me and saying absolutely nothing of importance is reserved for family only. That is because I cannot choose my family. I am stuck with them and hence I love them and hence they have privileges which DO NOT attach to our friendship which does not bind us by blood.

And secondly, if I did not pick up the call the first second and THIRD time, chances are :-
a) I AM BUSY and/or
b) I AM IGNORING YOUR CALLS.

So please, for the sake of humanity, do not call me again. and again.and again.AND AGAIN.

It makes me think that by golly, something must be really wrong!
Only to be proven dead wrong when I call back because you just wanted to ask me something irrelevant like "eh, do you have any movies to recommend ah?"

So, yeah, I get antsy on the phone when you call not because I am impatient, but because YOU'RE SO BLOODY ANNOYING.

Why are we so quick to judge?

A while ago, my firm welcomed a new client.

As I was driving him to the Commissioner of Oath's office, he asked me:-

"When do you plan to be a lawyer?"

Perplexed by his question, I went "HUH?"

He repeated the question but this time followed it up with " Do you actually PLAN to be one?"

I looked him in the eye, laughed and said " Mr. A, I AM a lawyer. I have been one for the past few years."

He thought I was a clerk in the firm.

-_-

Seriously.

But it got me thinking about how we are quick to judge others. When we see somebody, we judge them by their looks, their jobs, their friends and their lives.

When friends/acquaintances found out I walked away from a 7 yr relationship, many were quick to assume it was because I had found somebody else.

When high school friends of yesteryear found out my best friend was JoL, many assumed we were two party girls who had no morals and no ethics.

When some friends found out I was dating a pilot, many assumed I was dating him for his money. (it's not JUST his money ok, it's for his good looks and hot body too!*ahem*)

And to prove my point on how people can be judgmental:-





And these are snippets of some of the comments of the picture above:-


(dahlah his english is so bad,he wants to be judgmental)



Dudes. You don't even KNOW them. Much less be in the position to judge them.

You have no guts to do my job.

I hate it when people think that my job is unimportant.

Sure, I get to go home at 530pm sharp everyday.
So what? Does that mean my job is probably not as important as say, someone who slogs it out in the office til 10pm every night?

I have a friend who likes to exclaim :-

"oh, you're SO lucky to be able to go home early."
"Oh, I HAVE to work this weekend."
" Oh my gawd, I am SO busy."
"Oh I do not know how you find time to do your Masters in Law! I have no time to even go to the gym!"

Which is usually said with a snide snicker, as if staying in the office til wee hours of the morning makes her job more important. or makes HER more important and wanted by her firm.

I usually retort, so what time do you get in for work every morning? 10am?
I make it to my office by 8am everyday. And if I were going to court, I am out of the house by 645am. And I do not have long lunches. I have one brief hour for lunch.

And perhaps, just perhaps, the reason why you are still stuck in the office at 10pm everyday its probably because you have bad time management. That you are perhaps working hard, but not working smart. And perhaps you're foolish enough to venture into corporate and conveyancing. Or civil litigation. Sorry, to me, that is just plain boring. It is all about paperwork. So, half the time you're seated in your office, reading through hundreds if not thousands of pieces of paper.
Interesting? Exciting? Important?

Sorry. Not for me. Paper work does not interest me. That is why I LEFT civil/conveyancing law.

To all those haters and snide remark-ers of how unimportant my job is :-

Have you ever stepped foot in a prison? Seen the prisoners? I have. And it is an experience worth redoing over and over again.

Have you ever consoled a family member whose husband/wife/sister/brother has been charged in court? Petrified that he or she will be imprisoned? I have. And it takes a lot of strength to do that.

Have you ever argued a case before a court about whether a man should be in jail for a few months instead of a few years? I have. And it takes a heck lot of research and persuasion.

Have you ever seen your clients in handcuffs and try to avoid the press for fear that he may be shamed? I have. And it is not an easy job trying to whisk him to another place.

Have you ever sat in the court for 7 hours sorting out your client's bail so that he does not need to spend a night in lock up? I have. And it is exhausting.

Have you ever talked to policemen who are trying to intimidate you into not doing something? I have. And it takes a lot of confidence and shamelessness to do so.

Have you ever spent a whole day taking pictures in KLIA, looking at the check in counters, baggage areas, officers and etc because your client may be hanged for allegedly trafficking in drugs? I have. And it is hard work.

Have you ever pored through pictures and statements to find inconsistencies because your client allegedly raped someone? I have. And I cannot afford to make a mistake.

As for making the decision to do my LLM self funded and self study, yes, I MAKE time for that. I make time because I do not want to be stuck in this country forever, working at 70% of what I am capable of. I want to venture out and be better.

Seriously, have you ever left the comforts of your office, and ventured out into the unknown? Criminal law is exciting because it is not about sitting in the office and reading through documents. It is not about helping someone buy a house, transfer a land, sue for money or help merge a company.

It is about life and death. Freedom and incarceration.

So if you think your job is SO important because you stay til 10pm every day in the office, then sure. I will let you have that.

Because I know what I do. And is it better and more exciting than yours?

HELL YEAH.