Of breath mints, hearing dates,silence and a Chinese Mistress.

Today I was reminded about the importance of brushing and flossing one's teeth as well as carrying breath mints everywhere one goes.

This is more important when one is an annoying son of a (insert as many profanities as your language/dialect can possibly come up with )

Now, my first encounter with Mr. Can-I-BE-Anymore-Intelligent (hereinafter referred to as CIBAI) was approximately one year ago. Whereby he, who was fresh out of UM (with FIRST CLASS HONOURS you know? YOU know??? No, I dont know because I.dont.care.) and recently accepted to do his pupillage with a certain famous lawyer, would call me to ask:

"Hey this case-ah, have you considered whether we can rely on section bla bla to say the charge is defective??"

"Um, sorry CIBAI, I do not have the file with me now. I cannot refer to it. But anyway, the charge was in 2002, and the Act you are referring to is in 2007. So, it cannot work retrospectively."

"Oh, okay."

5 minutes later, the phone rings, and there is CIBAI again.

"Eh, have you considered in this matter, which I have so cleverly written out a whole page of my clever clever ideas and submitted to my boss and he approved it (all said in one breath), whether we can bla bla bla?"

"CIBAI, I do NOT have the file. So I cannot confirm with you, can I get back to you on this?"

"Oh, okay."

10 minutes later, the above two scenarios repeats itself until I tell my receptionist to say I am not in the office.

So, today in court, Mr. CIBAI comes in bright and early, full with enthusiasm, decked out in High Court attire, for a Sessions Court matter. He then proudly declares:-

"We are asking for a HEARING date."

"Are you aware of the many applications and appeals that are pending before this court and the High Court?"

"Um...which one? Anyway, we are asking for A HEARING DATE."

"Sure, you can go ahead and do that. But for MY client, we are asking for a Mention date and hearing be fixed for our applications to obtain the documents."

"Documents?Oh they have not given the documents? We should ask them to give documents for BALKIS la."
* insert stupid laugh that sounds something like Hur.Hur. Hur and followed with a beam of pride that he said something which though totally irrelevant in my books, but he seems to think makes him quite learned.*

And there I was, thinking to myself, MAN!Is that smell coming from his mouth???
Yes, it was.

And this is why, if you're a CIBAI and you are annoying, please at least ensure that you brushed your teeth, flossed it and popped about a gazillion mints in your mouth before you open it to say something stupid. and annoying. and stupid.

When the case was called up, I had a war of words with Ms. my-name-is-a-flower on setting hearing dates.

What was CIBAI doing?

Absolutely nothing.

Silence. Just before the case was called up he was almost cup runneth over with his enthusiasm to GET A HEARING date. Now he sits quietly, meekly in the corner, staring at his fingernails and wondering if he is lucky enough to see it sprout one mm. (First class honours my arse)

How come he never accords me that privilege of silence?? Everytime he is with me, its bla bla bla, bla bla bla bla, bla bla BLA BLA BLA.

On a separate note, a client who usually waves, smiles, stops for a chat every time he comes by the office, is today very serious and unusually quiet when he walked by my room.

Why?

His Chinese Mistress came along that's why.