Ex files

The whole of last night, I was stuck in a dream where the BF had another girl and did not tell me about her. In this dream, I felt lousy. There was surprisingly, no anger. Just a sinking, lousy feeling. When I finally managed to pry my eyes open from the horrid dream, I realised I couldn't call the BF as he was working.

I always thought that if I were caught in a love triangle and I am the jilted lover, I would be livid.

When I was 16, I was the jilted lover and as mentioned before, I wasn't angry. Just very heartbroken. In fact the ex's then gf (whom he left me for) called me and asked "What can you tell me about H that I don't already know?"
I asked her how she got my number and she said the ex gave it to her. And why do you want to call me ? "Cos I want to talk to this ex of his that he constantly talks about."

Even many years down the road, after we had attained puberty, grew some unwanted hair and scored some unwanted wrinkles, I would get a text out of the blue " Do you think, if I hadn't made the big mistake of leaving you when were together, we would still be together today?" or "Do you think there is still a chance for us?"

What does one answer to that? What do you say to a guy who broke your heart?

I said nothing.

Today, he is happily married.

And up to the very week before he got hitched, the just recent ex sent me emails and text messages saying that he misses me and how he doesn't understand how it all went wrong and how he wished he could turn back time.

It's sure to be shitty to be the girl that your partner "settled" for or be the girl whose bf loves someone more than you.

It sure must suck.

The bf's ex sent him angry messages when she found out we got together. There was "you wasted my 5 years!" "you are a jerk!" "I deserve better than you!"

It always pains me to know she feels that way. I always tell him "she must have really loved you." but he will always say "it's not about how much she loves/loved me, it's all about how much I loved her. The trouble was, I didn't love her enough to stay."

I am always petrified of a repeat of my life when I was 16. Because it sucks to be the jilted lover. But I bear no grudge against the third party because I believe that if my bf loves someone more than me, I would gladly let him go.