Is this love?

Over dinner last night, I experienced the husband's best friend do an ex-gf bashing. Except that it wasn't his own ex, but my husband's ex.

She was so materialistic. I tried to tell him but he was so defensive of her.
What is with her eyeliner? She looked like a panda.
She told me he had to marry her if not she would cut off his balls.
She said she saved all her own money for "their future", and she's only going to use his money for everything else.

All the while I sat there and wondered. If she were really THAT bad, how did they stay together for 5 years?

Then again, I stayed with my ex for 7 years. And it was one of those ho-hum, we're getting by type of relationship. Where I'm not exactly happy, but I am not exactly unhappy either.  Still we stuck together for 7 whole years before I decided maybe, just maybe, I want to be deliriously happy. So I packed up and left.

Why do we do this to ourselves? Stay with a partner we are not entirely happy with but we tolerate because we are comfortable with how things are, and much too petrified to venture out into the big scary world of dating?

A week ago, a friend of mine sent me a text "N has broken up with me for good. After 11 *bleep bleep* years of being together".

My first thought was, finally. Now they can both find someone else that can make them both happy.
I always thought their relationship was sort of a ho hum, we're not really lovers or friends, but somehow we are together type of relationship.

They lived apart for the past 5 years of their 11 year relationship. He across the causeway and she here. They meet possibly once a month or less. And there was never any passion in their relationship. It was more like a friendship but with WAY more emotion involved.

How important is passion in a relationship? As we all know, most if not all relationship starts with a fireball of passion which eventually sizzles into little spurts of passion. But there must still be passion, right? We must feel passionately about someone to the exclusion of others. If not, what makes this particular person so special?

When I talk about passion, I do not mean passionate love making, but passion in sharing everything that the other person is. His ambitions, his fears, his beliefs, his everything.

I have always believed that we are all entitled to be happy. And that means that if someone leaves because he or she has found someone new, then its something we have to accept because he is no longer happy. Why stay with someone who no longer wants to be with you? Why threaten suicide? Why say I want my blood on your hands? All you will ever get is resentment.

The sooner we accept the reality of the situation, the easier it becomes to open our hearts to someone else. There is always someone out there who will understand your moods, accept your quirks and habits, enjoy your company, love your family, appreciate your intelligence (or lack of it), laugh at your jokes and swoon over your looks.

And if you can find that someone why wouldn't you give yourself the chance and have the courage to go out there and find it??

So for the new year, do yourself a favour. Resolve that you will find happiness. Resolve that to do that you need courage to break free from all the things that hold you back such as complacency and fear. And I hope you find love and I hope that you discover passion. And most of all, I hope that you will find contentment.

Everyone assumes I am an undercover tai tai.

I am not sure why people always assume I earn big bucks or that I am high maintenance.

I'm not sure why they think so. Because it sure as hell is not true.

I don't strut around like others with their Chanel handbags and Ferragamo shoes. Or publish photos of their prized possessions of branded bags and Tiffany charms. And their never ending trips to half way across the world, their indulgent purchases and their beautiful clothes.

That has never been me.

I've always been the one who does not own a hair dryer.  Much less use one.
My compact face powder thing ran out after 6 years, I officially bought a new one 3 months ago.
My most expensive pair of shoes were bought for my wedding. They are now safely kept in the shoe box for fear of ruining it.
I cut my hair every 6 months when I begin to resemble a lion. A messy, unkempt one.
I buy my clothes mainly from my hometown because things are WAY cheaper there and even if my jeans don't yell ZARA or 7 for Mankind, who cares? It fits me well.

My fear in life has never been about not having enough material possessions. It has never been about what bags, shoes, clothes or jewellery I have.
It has always been about security.

The first thing I ever bought with my first paycheck was life and medical insurance. From there, I moved on to buying my first property. It sucked a big chunk of my income but it was and still is for a good cause. The value of my first home has gone up about 40% since 2005. Not sure how Chanel bags will have that possibility of appreciation of value.

I've never been into buying big cars, or the latest gadgets or going to the latest night clubs to see and be seen.

That has never been me.

Three years ago I decided it was time I took up my Masters in Law. And that sucked up another big chunk of my income. People laugh at me and call me stupid for spending the money and the time for something people in the legal circle do not care for anyway.

But that is my security in the future should I decide I no longer want to be in practice. I can teach, I can lecture, I can be in academics.
It has always been about security.

The security of being able to EARN.
The security of earning and being able to SAVE.

The security of having enough savings and never having to worry about money.

I didn't grow up rich. Money has always been a constant worry for me. It will always be a source of worry for me.

My anxiety over money has tripled over these two months now that I am embarking on this whole running my own firm thing.
Scrap that, its has not tripled, it gazillioned (if there is such a word).

So please, for those who come up to me and say, "Oh you married a pilot, why do you have to worry about money? You should stop working!"

I married a pilot, I didn't marry a person who owns an airline.

It means he still earns an income, and like everyone who earns an income, there may come a day where they may not be able to command that income or stop earning altogether.

Never put all your eggs in one basket.  Besides, I am fully capable of earning my own money.
So if he gives me money, and I still have my own money, that can only mean I have MORE MONEY.

Sounds good to me.

Oh, everyone has a legal problem until you ask for money.

Everybody has a legal problem until you ask them to pay you some money to give them some legal advice.

Sure, you could send me an email or two with some legal queries. Hey, I have this man who insist that we signed a tenancy agreement when we didn't, what shall I do?
Someone stole some money from my office, what shall I do?

Sure, I can tell you what to do. But when you asks

Can you help me draft a letter to his lawyer?
Can you help me make a police report?
Can you help me speak to the Investigating Officer?
Can you please draft a letter for me to answer to his allegations?
Can you write a letter to complain about the lack of action on the part of the police?
Can you can you can you?

Yeah I can. Just show me where the money is, and I certainly can.

It's not about being money minded ,or "oh you can't even do me a favour".

A favour is maybe a letter or two, a phone call or two. But a few whole months of email after email, draft agreements after draft agreements, police reports etc?

Sorry there really is no such thing as a free lunch.

I truly do not survive only on fresh air and sunshine.

This whole working for yourself thing is shit.

This whole running your own firm is shit too.

                                             This is how I feel on most days in this whole running my 
                                                                                   own firm thing.

To infinity and beyond.

It's official.

I will be leaving my firm of 7 years this October.

In a way, I leave with a very heavy heart as this has been my "home" for the past 7 years. And yet, I am excited by the prospects out there.

I have always believed that every thing happens for a reason. And my departure from my firm, is no different.

The future is waiting to be explored. And finally, I have cut the strings that have held me back.

Is it melancholy?

It's been one of those week(s).

I wake up in the morning and I can't pinpoint what exactly it is that is not right. But something, somewhere, somehow is just not right.

It's not that I am unhappy, but I have a gut feeling that sadness lingers in my heart. I'm not sure if its just a tinge of dissatisfaction or it really is melancholy.

I think I may be at a career crossroad. I've been doing this for 7 years now. I feel deep down that I need a change but I am not sure which path I should follow.

It's weird that when I sit down and ask myself what it is that I want, I find that I have no answers. I don't think I am good with dealing with people. I am much too judgmental. I don't think I am great with planning things. I am way too meticulous and anal to be flexible.

Two days ago a steward asked me "Are you working tomorrow?" I said yes, I work every weekday but I finish sharp at 530pm.

"So lucky." he said.

I work an average of 9 hours a day, 5 times a week. Which comes up to 45 hours a week and an average of 180 hours a month. Am I truly lucky? I think the verdict is still out on that one.

How do you reach out for help if you can't identify the problem?

How do you ask for advice when you aren't sure what it is you are unsure of?

How do you ask someone to make you feel better if you don't know if you are truly feeling crestfallen?

Things husbands say that get them killed.

The hubby walks in on me slathering cream unto my thighs.

What are you doing?

Attempting to rid my thighs of these hideous unsightly cellulite!

You don't have cellulite on your thighs!

Awwww.....

It's more around your butt area.

-_______-

I have a secret, I am frightened.

The 8th March 2011 passed by like any other day for a lot of you, but it was an extraordinary day for me as on that day, I "embraced" Islam.

I say embrace as "embrace" because I did not convert because Islam was a religion I chose to belief in. It was a religion that was forced upon me because I fell head over heels in love with a Muslim man.

Non- Muslims will know the fear and the anxiety of leaving a religion you grew up with, believed in and learned all your life, for another religion in which you have no knowledge of. Most Muslims will never understand it. For a Muslim in Malaysia will never have to make a choice of leaving Islam or embracing another religion-for love. If you've never had or ever have to do so, I do not expect you to understand.

I do not expect you to understand the anxiety I had when I knew I had fallen head over heels in love with my husband and knowing that if I choose to be his wife, I would have to do the inevitable. I do not expect you to understand the pain my parents went through in "giving" me up to Islam. Or the uncertainty my siblings had when I converted. I would not be able to explain to you how frightened I was on the 8th March 2011.

But I will try to tell you about the painful, anxious and frightening journey that I had.

To many people, my husband and I had a relative easy relationship. We met, we fell in love and we got married. But many do not know that when I we got together, my mother objected to our relationship. She did not speak to me for months and she refused to acknowledged the fact that I could love a Muslim man. I spent many days crying and asking for forgiveness. I wasn't sure why I asked for forgiveness, perhaps as Non Muslims, conversion into Islam is the act of ultimate betrayal to our parents. For we all know that it is a religion in which we can never leave if we ever decide that we no longer believed in it. I asked to be forgiven, I asked for him to be accepted. I'd say "look ma, he's just like us."

But the truth is, he wasn't.

He wasn't like us because he was a Muslim.

Friends and family tried to persuade me to leave him. I was frightened and unsure. I wasn't sure if I should follow my heart or my head. My heart knew that I have never loved a man as much as I loved him, but my head told me if I embrace Islam, I can never leave it and I will be subject to the man made arbitrary rules that it imposes on its followers.  I'd never told any of my friends how frightened I was. I'd make comments in passing that "yeah, he's Muslim" and some of my friends will react in horror while some will casually reply "so?".

So? So I will have to drop everything I believed in for the past 29 years of my life, and pick up something I may possibly never believe in.

But I took the plunge on the 8th March 2011. My mother sobbed throughout the conversion. It was cold and unwelcoming. He lectured me on the 5 pillars of Islam. He told me the benefits of prayers. He asked if I would change my name and I said no. He questioned my decision to stay with the name my parents had lovingly given me, but I said "I respect my father's wish not to change my name."
I signed on a form that said that it was my decision to stick to the name I was given at birth. He then asked me to "ucap Dua Kalimat Syahadat"and it was done.

All the while my mother sat behind me and sobbed because no one asked her if she is ready to give up her daughter to Islam. Because no one acknowledge how hard it was for a mother to see her daughter give up everything she was brought up to believe in. And all the while I sat there frightened that I had made a mistake.

I could not speak to my mother that day for I did not know how to comfort her. I sat there, worried, anxious and all the while frightened. I felt that I had let my mother down.

We sat there for another 10 minutes and they ushered me into a booth to have my picture taken for the conversion card. "Wear this."he said while shoving a headscarf in my direction. It was red, it was tight and it was uncomfortable. I looked horrible. But snap and it was done.

I am now a Muslim.

And I was, am, very frightened.

But this is a journey that I have chosen, and I know there is no turning back.

My man who cleans. WAY too much.

I know how wives complain that their husband don't help around the house.

I'm lucky that my husband does. He cleans, he washes and he's very neat and orderly.

In fact he cleans so much, I often have to rush him out of the loo when he's taking a bath and oh so happen to pick up a brush and start scrubbing the toilet floor/walls/sink/glass.

There have been many a time where I'll hastily get dressed to rush out to meet my dad and what do I hear? Scrubbing noises coming from the toilet. The hubby doing some last minute toilet scrubbing down even though we are late to meet my dad.

  -____-

Mind you, these are not rare occasions.

Then there is the incessant clothes washing.

Before he moved in with me, he would throw 5 pieces of clothing into the washing machine and make it run for a full hour of complete washdown. FIVE pieces. The washing machine sucks up electricity like nobody's business, churns out tons of water like a burst pipe and he uses it for a whole hour to clean FIVE pieces.

Obviously when he moved in with me, I told him that a) the washing machine can do a quick wash which only takes 30 minutes and b) there should be a WHOLE LOAD of clothes before he dares push the button to start the damned machine.

So now, he's adapting to my "whole-load-of-clothes-before-starting-the-machine"routine. I know he sometimes sneaks in a midnight clothes wash run of a few clothing while I am asleep.I'll wake up in the morning and TA-DA are a few measly clothes hanging on the line to dry.

And then there is the horrible secret habit of THROWING THINGS OUT. It's not the habit of throwing rubbish out that is a problem, it's the habit of throwing things such as:-

1) unfinished bottles of shampoo/facial wash/conditioner/moisturiser(which I am still using),
2) receipts which are kept in case one needs to return a product,
3) gadget boxes which has warranties/guarantees kept in them,
4) things which do not belong to him and someone inadvertently left behind,
5) shoes which you have worn to death but have keep it because it has sentimental value,
6) unpaid bills, and
7) everything else.

He throws away everything. In fact it's a running joke now when anyone leaves anything in our house, they will text me " please ask your husband NOT TO throw away my charger/toothbrush/socks/magazine. I'll come get it tomorrow."

In fact a week after the wedding, I discovered he threw away the cake top figurines. It cost me a bomb as I had the cap on the groom custom made to look like a pilot's cap. When asked he said "hah? I don't know what happened to it. I think I threw it away."

-______-


So for all the women out there who complain about their husbands not helping them with the household chores, look at the bright side, you may have one like mine. I'm not sure if having a lazy ass husband or one who cleans and throws too much is worse.

For now, I have very clean toilets, a rubbish free kitchen and very clean and fresh smelling clothes.

I guess I can't complain. Yet.

Can you tell me what I want to hear?

I'm not sure about others, but being the Virgo that I am, there are days that I wake up and feel as if I ate a truckload of crap the day before and it finally processed and made its way up to the surface. There are days I wake up and think " I CAN CONQUER THE WORLD" or "Nah, it's just a traffic jam. Crank up the music!" and then there are days where I wished the lady who just rudely cut into my lane at the freeway will never ever have children, or will have children born without their buttocks (us Chinese say this for some reason).

The thing is that I have been at this job for seven years. There are days I wake up and feel that I no longer want to do this. That perhaps there is something out there for me to see, to discover and to experience. And then there are days I think maybe I am where I am suppose to be.

Ever been ticked off by your boss over a small mistake and instantly feel that you're incompetent? I have and I do.
I'm not sure its because I have the highest respect for my boss or that I feel I will never live up to his expectations of me. Or that secretly I know that I am not doing as well as I should. Or that I am not trying to be as good as I think I can be.

Us lawyers have spent 2 years doing our A-Levels, 3 years getting a degree, one year for our Bar exams and another 9 months for our pupillage (almost 7 years). And while others came out swinging, I took baby steps into the realm of law. While others took huge strides in their careers, I feel like I'm just beginning to find my balance to learn how to walk. Sometimes I wonder if this whole law thing is for me. Maybe I am built for other pursuits, but I have yet to find the courage to drop everything and try to pursue it.

Perhaps one day I will wake up and know my exact purpose in life. Perhaps one day I will wake up and not feel that I have not done enough. Perhaps one day I will wake up and learn that I have done the best I could, I have tried the most I can and this is exactly where I am suppose to be.

Perhaps. 

The Promise

 Because not all love songs are run of the mill.

This is the promise we have both made and we both intend to keep.

How did we get here?

It's 6.30pm. I've been on the LRT for almost an hour. The crowds surged forward as the train slowed and the doors opened. I slowly made my way to my usual spot in front of Topshop in KLCC. As I sat there twiddling my thumbs waiting for D to arrive, two guys walk up to me.

"Hello." He said nervously.

"Hi?" I mumbled suspiciously narrowing my eyes.

"I see you in college all the time. Urm, do you think I can have your number?My name is A."

"I've never seen you in college," I said tersely. After all, I hardly spent any time in college.

" You go to K college right? I always see you walking down the road," he said as he smiled nervously.
"You think I can have your number?" he asked again.

"How about this. You give me YOUR number, and I'll call you, ok?" I said, proud of my ingenuity in shooing away a stranger, who was admittedly quite cute in his tshirt and black slacks.

"Okay, it's 013-4303330. Call me okay?"

I nodded. Sure, will do that.

I never called of course. Only because I got one digit short and the call could not go through. Weirdly, I actually tried calling. What does that mean? I have someone in my life now. Someone for the past 2 years and here I am giving, or tried to anyway, another guy my number?

A few weeks later, I meet him in college. I waved a hello as he hurriedly walk towards me. We made our way to the cafeteria. I found out his elder brother was in the same college I did my A-levels in. "Surely it's not H who is your brother?"

"Yes it is!"

And his two cousins were also in that college. "You mean Lz and Ln?"

"Yes!"

"I guess I've met your family AND your extended family already," I joked.

Days turned into weeks which turned in months and eventually became almost a year. We were friends, he wanted more, and so maybe did I, but I did not have the courage to walk away from my relationship of 3 years. And he's different. He's culturally and religiously different. How could I ever commit to that? It's too hard.

I walked away from him, sending him a "Please understand why we cannot be friends anymore" letter.

Five years passed by. In between I will receive a random missed call from a mobile number and I know it's him. Sometimes I receive a sms from an unknown number saying "I miss you" and I know it's him. But I've never replied.

5 years passed and he found someone else. 5 years passed and I was still with the man I chose to be with 5 years ago.

One day I realise, it's been 7 years and I am not happy. I walked away from the man I had spent the last 7 years of my adult life with. It was heart wrenching and emotional but I walked away from a life of comfortable living. Of mediocrity.

I deserved to be overwhelmingly happy. Everyone does.

The phone buzz while I was taking a breather from the smoke in the club and J yelled "where ARE you? I just met A! He's here!"

A? I've not seen him for 5 years. I made my way up the stairs and he stood, looking slightly scruffy, but still cute, grinning at me.

No hello, no how do you do's. "I'm sure you are married now?!" he said.

I shook my head and smiled. No I am not married. In fact I just broke up. He stared at me. "Your number is still the same?"
"Yes, your random messages still reach me."

"Do you miss me?" he yelled over the dint of the music in the club.
I smiled.

2 years passed. He got down on one knee and said he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. We are soul mates. "I knew it from the moment we met that we are meant to be with each other for the rest of our lives."

                                                          The rest they say, is history. 

Give me a blockbuster anytime. Screw the drama.

I.can't.deal.with.drama.

I can't deal with people who whine all day long about how they hate their jobs. Or how their relationship is a train wreck- "he won't commit!" "he won't move in with me!" "he chooses his family over me!" 

Or how a migraine turns into "I HAVE BRAIN TUMOR" or a slight depression is something that requires seeing a psychologist every weekend.

I JUST CAN'T HANDLE DRAMA.

Hate your job? Quit. Get a new one. Think you're not good enough to get a new job- try harder, get some skills, read some books, do something. Think you can't do any of that either?  Then too bad. You're stuck in your current one, deal with it.

Hate your partner? Break up. Leave, never turn back. Move on. Hate his family- break up, leave and never turn back. Can't do it because you love him so much? Seriously, if his or her drama takes up your whole life, he or she is probably not worth it. How can ONE PERSON cause you so much grief? Doesn't that tell you something? DO something about it. If you love him, then stick with him and quit the whining. If you don't think you love him enough to deal with the drama, for fucks sakes, leave.

Have a crappy life? You determine what type of life you want. If you wake up every day and say OH I HATE MY LIFE, and then do nothing about it, you probably deserve the crappy life you have.

Hate your weight but only whine about it while sitting your ass on the sofa and chucking down crisps and cola? Well, guess what? You just have to live with your extra fat rolls and high cholesterol all by yourself because if you don't want to do something about it, then you just have to bloody live with it. Nobody wants to hear you whine about how you want to lose weight and how you hate to be fat when you do jackshit about it.

Does this make me the worst friend ever? Probably. But if you have real problems, and you want to find a solution to being able to wake up each day and have a better day than yesterday, then let's talk. If you want to whine, gripe, whine somemore and do nothing about it, call someone else.

I.don't. do.drama.

I didn't know that.

As of last evening, I thought I was not too terrible a person. That is until the clock hit 10.30pm and the husband sat me down and told me I was egoistic, a complainant, judgmental and critical.

That's quite a lot to take in.

I truly didn't know that I was such a terrible person.

Well, now I do. 

Timebomb: 17 days and counting.

Roughly two weeks before the wedding reception that has seen the wedding guest list balloon from 200 people to 300 people. (the husband is perpetually doing the thumbs up sign when someone calls to say they cannot make it for the wedding- el cheapo I tell you.)

So for the record I only have one pair of shoes. It's gold and it has crystals and it cost me (the husband) a fortune. I thought I could just wing it and wear it with every dress that I had lined up for the day. I'll just have to ask the photographer not to do any artsy shot of the shoes. Sis said "everything goes with gold la haiyoh." So let's just hope her haiyoh is right.

You know the pain of planning a wedding where a majority of your guests consist of pilots and flight attendants? The fact that they can't RSVP until their damned roster is published. And the company is taking forever to issue the damned rosters. So I just have to sit and bite my nails anticipating the yes's and no's which will slowly trickle in. 

The husband can't wrap his head around my need to know exactly who and how many of the who's are coming for the wedding. If 16 people say yes and 4 of them do not RSVP, what do I do? Seat 16 of them in two tables and keep my fingers crossed that the 4 will turn up and fill the table? Or do I just consider them as a no show and fill the spot with someone else? I am more inclined to go with the latter suggestion. I mean, I am chinese. Chinese dinners see the host pay per table. Which means that even if your table only has two people sitting on it, we still pay for ten of them. The husband will say "what to do? Some of them can't seem to confirm. We'll see how." 

No, we will not see how. (I am CHINESE for gods sakes..) We will call them to confirm and if they do not confirm, they will be considered a no show. And should they turn up for the wedding, they can jolly well sit outside the ballroom and tapau something for dinner, at their own expense. 

And by the way, what is up with people with children. I mean if the wedding invite says "Mr & Mrs X" it means just that- Mr and Mrs X. It does not mean Mr & Mrs X and little junior X and little not so junior X.

Seriously, wtf. A simple "hey you, will you be attending my wedding?" always ends up with a gut wrenching, punch in the face, painful response like " yes, my husband and my two/three/four children will be there!"

WHO THE F**K INVITED YOUR CHILDREN?

Not that I am being kiamsiap but if you're going to bring your uninvited children to the wedding, you better be sure your child is able to gobble down an adult portion of the food OR your angpow will cover the cost of your two children taking up two seats on a table which I could well have filled with two adults. And god forbid your child should run around the dinner yelling at the top of his or her lungs, I will SKIN HIM ALIVE. or trip him. or hurt him. whichever is less obvious. But that child will get what he deserves for running around like he's been raised by a pack of chimps.

So, yeah.

Another two weeks before the wedding.

Wish me luck.

Some people said Chinese and Malay cannot be married.

Do not be my leader. Do not command. Walk with me and be my peer.

"All I feel now,
Is the weight of the day,
I need you with me,
To push it away,

When we disappear into each other,
Our Colors appear and bleed into one,

Fade into me, fade into you,
Two of us melting together until we become something new,
We can escape,
And watch the world chasing to find us,
Both of us hidden from view,
If you, fade into me, fade into me.

When I'm broken,
You're the one thing I need,
Like an ocean,
Feel you crash over me,

When we disappear into each other,
Our colors appear and bleed into one,

Fade into me, fade into you,
Two of us melting together until we become something new,
We can escape,
And watch the world chasing to find us,
Both of us hidden from view,
If you, fade into me

Let go, fall in,
Drown in the moment with me,
Sinking 'til we start to breathe,

Fade into me, fade into you,
Two of us melting together until we become something new,
We can escape,
And watch the world chasing to find us,

Fade into me, fade into you,
Two of us melting together until we become something new,
We can escape,
And watch the world chasing to find us,
Both of us hidden from view,
If you, fade into me.
Fade into me.
Fade into me. "

For the majority of the time, I do feel like the husband and I have such a relationship. Whereby we lean on each other to survive the curveballs that the world throws at us.

That is until religion comes into play.

Then I know I am alone.

I know I have made a choice and I have to live with it. But compromise is a word that should not exist only in MY dictionary. It is one that should exist and be practiced in each and everyone's lives. Your religion should never be above others. Your way of life does not trump mine. My culture is not second to yours.

I will not budge and be pliant to all of your (and your family)'s needs and desires. For I have my own life to live.

Yes, I have made a choice. But at the end of the day, nobody will carry the burden of my sorrows or my sins, but myself. So, for this I shall live life the way I choose.

Why do lawyers earn so much money? We don't. I don't anyway.

Being married to a pilot, a lot of people ask me this "why do pilots earn so much anyway? Everything can be done by auto pilot."


Yes, that may be true if you have perfect and still skies every damn time you fly. Except that you don't. You sometimes fly into bad weather. Or perhaps into an Elmo's Fire. Or say, 2 out of the four engines of the aircraft fails, you think the so called "everything can be done by autopilot" will fly the damn plane for you?

Sure, like many out there, I die a little every time my husband jokes "even with a whole month off from flying, I still earn more than you." (this is usually followed by a chuckle, to which I will say it then makes perfect sense for me to no longer spend my meagre pay and spend all of his BIG FAT PAYCHECK- seriously. never say this to your wife.)

But still, a lot of people earn a lot of money for the type of job that they do because it probably has higher risks, bigger responsibilities, requires more thought and more of everything. And while we are at this topic, can I just say that just because your company has 600 staff and mine has 3, it does not make your job more important and mine any less important.

Seriously, what monkey's ass logic is it to say "Oh, goodla you can work in a small firm. Sure you get paid a lot more than I do right? And you don't have to do as much work."

The reason why you are not going home at 5.30pm is because you probably got to work at 10am. And the reason why you work piles up is probably because you are on FB during working hours, complaining about how much work you have, instead of actually DOING the damn work. So cut out the frills, the coffee breaks. the long lunches, the time spent on reading jokes in your email  inbox, time spent twitting and fb-ing about how much work you have, you may actually finish at 5pm.And then your job is no different from mine now is it? I just have better time management.

So two days ago, a friend posted a link about Flight Attendants.I mean, the title says it all "Flight Attendants: Unspoken Heroes."
I have two issues with this article. But before this I am not sure how some people can SKIM an article, gleaned probably 20% of what is being said in it, make a positive reading of it and then post it up as if it were quotes from a Holy Book. When if you read it slowly and thoroughly, you get paragraphs that say:-


"The asian airlines have small, petite, and dainty little creatures ‘serving’ you. With their “Hello Kitty’ trinkets on their phone, tons of make up (as they were trained to wear), and their weekly manicures. Regular little dolls. So much emphasis on how to please you visually. But how are they in case of emergency? I’ve been on flights with several airlines and have witnessed many times  the ‘thinking bulb’ blinking on top of their heads as they wonder if the proper arming and disarming technique was used. Boy, do I feel safe."

 I don't know about you, but if I were an Asian cabin crew, working with an Asian airline, I would be thoroughly, absolutely and incredibly INSULTED. But apparently not those who put up this link for everyone to see and capping it off with "read this and stop insulting us!"

All I can say is, woman, you insulted yourself by posting this link. I'm not sure how it is that you do not take offense of that paragraph that absolutely DEGRADES you, not only as a person, but of your culture, your intelligence and your professionalism. It's like writing an article that says

Doctors are great. They save lives, they are overworked and underpaid. But boy do these doctors give all they have for others. OH ASIAN DOCTORS ARE FULL OF SHIT. Respect doctors. The end.

And you think OMFG this is a great article about doctors?! Sure does not speak a lot about your intelligence. Just saying.

Anyway I digress. Moving along to the other thing I find disturbing about this article.

 "The General Publis is shocked at how much money some FAs make. What’s shocking is 10 FAs in one apartment that should house 2, to make ends meet. What’s shocking is lawyers who make 6 figures when most of what they learned was opened book, while people who save lives Dr.’s, nurses, and yes, FAs don’t."

Oh HELLO. That's the ultimate insult right there. If everything I learnt was OPEN BOOK, there would be no necessity for universities to ever award anything below 1st class Honours. I mean, if you are too stupid to score a 100% on an open book exam, you probably should not have embarked on studying law anyway. (that's another subject for another day)

And what an incredulously stupid and ignorant statement to make. Not all lawyers sit in their cushy offices and read documents. Not all lawyers just sign off on Hire Purchase documents, or merger what nots. Who do you think fights for those who have been wrongly convicted and sentenced to death in prison for crimes they have not committed? Who? Sure, you don't see us scouring document after document, looking at boxes and boxes of evidence, tracking up and down the court room everyday, grilling untruthful witnesses bent on nailing your client, whatever the cost. You don't see that. And you say "oh god, so unworthy of the money you earn."

So what you are saying is this- just because you are trained to help passengers evacuate in times of emergency, resuscitate passengers in distress or try to save drowning passengers if the airplane should God Forbid, crash- and the possibility of being struck by lightning has a higher chance of happening-YOU save more lives than lawyers who are in court every day trying to keep innocent persons from being punished for crimes they did not commit?

Right.

I'm sorry. I don't get it. I have no disrespect for Flight Attendants. But boy I WILL find issue with statements such as above.

You do your job and I will do mine.

Just as I respect your ability to work tirelessly throughout a 16 hour flight while looking absolutely flawless, get off the plane, rest for a mere 10 hours and do it all over again, day after day, you respect that I too, have different challenges in my job.

Are we clear?

Hey 2012,wassup?

You know the saying "let time heal what reason cannot".

I live by that.

If you'd asked me back in March 2011 why I had such a big fallout with a friend of 17 years, I could tell you every minute detail- down to the things she did and did not do, the words she uttered and the texts she sent me. Today, I have all but forgotten what happened except that we are no longer friends, much less acquaintances. I was given the cold shoulder when I bumped into her two weeks ago at a wedding. I am no longer a teenager, no longer a young adult. I am in the third box now. But here I am faced with a "former friend" of 17 years, giving me the cold shoulder.  I guess some people do not grow up.

Many have told me some people find fault in another person's life because they are essentially very unhappy with their own. Could it be true? Could it be true that I kept all my friends happy when I was the most unhappy with my own life? And once I made a decision to follow the path to happiness, everything unraveled. I was no longer the friend I used to be. Why would anybody who claim to be a friend, rob you or stop you from finding happiness? Or enjoying and embracing a new life with new beginnings? I guess some people just can't find it in their hearts to allow others to be happy.


2011 was eventful for me. For one, I got married. Not just to any guy, but to the guy whom I met 10 years ago when I was merely 21 and attached to someone else. I made the decision then that I could not be with him, for we had cultural and religious differences. But God had other plans for me. And in 2008, I was single again after 7 years of holding on to something which was obviously not for me, and I met him again. And the first thing he said to me was "I guess you're married now?"

It is only when you are at your lowest point in life, do you realise your true friends. It was when I was torn between taking the plunge into something I could never leave or walking away from someone I loved wholeheartedly, that someone told me "Who cares? It's not easy to find love. And it certainly is not easy to find a man who is crazy in love with you. Whatever comes next, you'll deal with it later on. And rest assured he'll be right there to deal with it with you."

In 2011, I learn to let go. Of grudges. Of hate. I extended an olive branch or two to friends I had sworn I would never speak to again. I made that decision when someone whom I admired and loved passed away from cancer. I didn't have a chance to say goodbye. I was a day late. I would hate to live life regretting missed opportunities to tell someone I loved them or that I am sorry I hurt them.

2011 was also the year I realised I am no longer as attached to material things as I thought I was. I know my peers earn double of what I earn, yet I find that I do not envy their late nights, their lack of social activities and their office doubling as their home. A friend of mine worked hard for every penny she earned. Late nights, working weekends, working from home and all that stopped as soon as she learned she was pregnant. She told me" Suddenly I don't really care so much about work anymore."

I have also learned to be thankful. While I hate the size of my thighs, I am thankful that my legs are strong. I am thankful that I have a loving family, a wonderful husband, great friends, fantastic boss and a job I have passion for. I am grateful for the opportunities I have been given and the many endless possibilities that 2012 will offer me.

I am happy. And my wish for 2012 is that each and every one of you will find happiness too. One that is not selfish. One that does not increase or decrease with the level of another person's happiness. 

Happy 2012!