I earned a courage badge today.

Ending relationships are never easy. Whether it be as friends or as lovers.

Even when I KNEW for a fact that the ex and I could no longer be together, it took me a year to end it. I knew I no longer missed him when we were apart. I knew he was no longer the first person I share everything with. I knew I could not see myself walking down the aisle with him. What more have kids and a family with him. I knew. Yet I did not have the courage to end it.

And after a year (out of the total of 7 years) passed, I finally did. Even then it took me a whole few weeks going back and forth trying to decide for sure I was doing the right thing. After all, if you know someone no longer features in your long term plans, why hold on? I should set him free.

And set him free I did. And now he's happily married with a baby in tow.

When you let go of someone, is it a favour to that person? Are we truly doing that person a favour for not holding on/back to him or her finding a person meant for them?

I have always seen it that way.

I tell the bf, if you ever find yourself falling in love with another, please tell me because I will let you go. I will let you go not because I have no fight in me, but because if you no longer love me, why would I want you anymore? And if you find that someone else is better for you, why would I stand in your way? And stop myself from finding a person who will love me for who I am?

As said in the previous post yesterday, I severed a friendship. A friendship of 16 years. We often read in magazines about the breakup of friendships but never really thought it would happen to us. It does. And it's never easy and it's a lie to say I am not hurt.

It is also never easy to make others understand why there is a need to end the friendship. In fact I was attacked on many fronts for being the bitch in the situation. But the bf tells me "you know best." and I truly do. It hurts to know you treat someone as a good friend and she treats you as an acquaintance. It hurts to know I'd do anything for her, but she places me last in her priority. It's heartbreaking to say the least. And as I grow older and hopefully wiser, I learn to tolerate less. I learn to appreciate my own worth. It's a continuous learning process but I'll get there eventually.

I move on to better things.

Saturn conjunction Saturn: Pruning your life

I have always been a lover of astrology. And I chanced upon this website sometime last year in which you put in details of your name, DOB and time and place of birth and it'll give you a reading. For me, the reading is quite accurate of my personality. Whether we are believers of not, it's quite fun.

Earlier today, I wrote an email to a friend. A friend whom I have decided to cut off from my life because I no longer wanted to be in her back up troupe. While I was contemplating the decision to send the email to her, I found myself reading this on my astro.com page.

"Saturn conjunction Saturn: Pruning your life Mid October 2010 until end of July 2011:

This is one of the most important times in your life. A major cycle of experience is closing, and great changes are about to take place. How great these changes are depends largely on what you have been doing with your life over the past several years. Have you been living as you feel you should or as you think others want you to? If you have been doing the latter, this influence will have a greater impact. This influence occurs about every twenty-nine years. The first such influence occurs now that you are about twenty-nine. Last year, many aspects of your life have begun to change. Relationships may have changed, and you may have changed your residence or your job; you have been dominated by an urgent feeling that if you don't do everything you have always wanted to do, you will never have another chance. And now, at about twenty-nine, you will feel that a substantial portion of your life has passed and that you had better get on with making it all work. If your relationship is unsatisfactory but you have been making the best of it, you will examine that relationship even more thoroughly now and may decide to end it. Certainly you will have to change it substantially. The same is true of any other aspect of your life that you have tolerated but not found very rewarding. Consciously or unconsciously, you are pruning your life of everything that is not relevant to what you really are as a human being. If this process is not happening consciously, you may experience a sense of loss for the elements of your life that are coming to an end now. However, do not dwell upon these losses, for they are necessary in order to clear the decks for the major period of action in your life. This is a time of endings and new beginnings. If you have built your life up to now around activities that are inappropriate for you, it will be a period of crisis. If you have been doing what you should in previous years, this influence will simply mark a time of solidification and the beginning of new phases of activity."

So I think I have made the right decision. Even the stars are telling me so! :)