Oh of course I can speak Malay!

In my line of work, speaking Malay(not the garden variety type but the WAH you can speak Malay like a Malay la type) is necessary.

We speak Malay in court, we talk to the court staff in Malay, we speak to the police in Malay and we speak to all the governmental bodies in Malay. I write letters and draft documents mostly in Malay. So, technically, my Malay is well, passable. (My chinese on the other hand is so bad, the canteen lady in my school told me "AIYA, you cakap Melayu la. Saya boleh faham Melayu la!Saya tak boleh faham lu punya Cina!")

But yesterday at the Attorney General's Chambers, my so called passable Malay flew out the window never to return again. And here is why:-

"Siapa suruh you datang kaunter ini?"
"er, perempuan, er, wanita...er.."*points finger at the lady at the next counter*
"Yang mana?"
*points finger at the lady sitting behind the counter* "er, tudung, wanita..er.."
"INDIA ITU AH?"
"bukan. Yang duduk sebelah India itu."
"Oh yang melayu tu."
"er, ya, yang melayu tu."
(note to self: fnd out how to refer to Malay lady if there is more than one sitting next to each other)

Konon la my Malay damn canggih.

So when I told the BF about this, he laughed his head off. Cos the BF who is supposed (as in by birth) to be better in Malay did not fare so well in his SPM. So my constant jibes about his bad Malay was finally repaid in kind by my dismal performance at the AG's chambers.

Speaking of Malay, the conversation between the BF and his brother at the tailor the other day.

"Berapa baju tu?"
"Entahlah. Tapi saya rasa tak maHAI kot."
"Kalau buat kat SP pun saya rasa tak maHAI sangat."

Now, to the untrained for curse words ears, Mahai is also a slang for MAHAL but to me, it just means..well...a certain part of a woman's genitals and it is usually used when someone say, swerves into your lane, and you show him your finger and shout:-

MAHAI!