Turn the page for the answer to life.

Have you ever woken up and felt overwhelmed by everything?

I have been feeling exactly that for the past few months.

Overwhelmed by questions I am unable to find answers to. Dreams I am unable to pinpoint. Wants and desires I am unable to crystallize into something concrete that is achievable. Problems which solutions elude me.

I sometimes wonder if money motivates everybody. I find myself telling friends not to switch jobs based purely on the pay package but to always, always love what they are doing. For without passion for something, we can only last for so long before we absolutely abhor what we wake up every morning for.

I ask myself everyday if I love what I do. For if I do, why do I sometimes wake up and wonder if I can do better. If I am happy where I am, why is it that sometimes I feel I am not trying harder to do more. But truly, what is that "better" and what is that "more" that I think I lack?

If only life came with an instructional guide.

Why don't you love me anymore???

Everyone's been asking me how married life is.

To truth is, there really isn't any difference. The only big glaring difference would be, we will no longer run the risk of being arrested for some religious offence should we stroll hand in hand in Shah Alam. Other than that, life really is pretty much the same.

Ok, I lied.

Now that we're legally hitched, my parents love my husband more than they love me. I swear.

Those days while we were just dating, I would go home to my hometown and mum will get me a bunch of things for my health (drink this herb drink, good for your health!) my cravings (here's the nice jeruk you wanted) and things I am much too stingy to buy myself (here's the melon I got which is imported from China).

Now, it's "these biscuits are for S, these drinks are for S- he has a store throat right? S flies a lot, sure he doesn't sleep well- give him some of these herbal drinks, these vitamins are good for him, helps keep him alert."

-____-

And when I call her to tell her I'll be back for the weekend, her first question will be "What about your husband? He's coming right?" (cos God forbid I should travel back all by my lonesome self)

And when we plan dinner out, it's "Oh they have < insert hubby's favourite dish > there! We should definitely have dinner there."

Seriously!

ANYWAY, other than the fact that I am not longer my parent's favourite child, married life has been good. I reckon I see the hubby 14 out of 31 days. I guess that's not enough for a lot of people, but I enjoy time on my own.

Time where you can sit down in front of the tv and watch chick flicks,reality tv, pluck stray hairs at places stray hairs grow , yak for hours on the phone with my bff about her dating life and etc.

Ok, I lied. Actually more like I am not really telling the whole truth.

As much as I love having time of my own, the truth is that I miss my husband when he isn't around.

Darn it. Yes, it's fun to be young, carefree and independent. But I much prefer having a man who keeps me warm at the cinema, who makes me coffee when I wake up in the morning, who calls me to check if I am home when I drive by myself, who rubs my forehead and temples when I say I have a headache, who lets me rest my head on his shoulder when I get tired, who is fiercely protective of me when he feels I am being bullied and so much more.

I'm a very lucky girl to have found a soulmate. :)

Goodbye.

Aunty Edith passed away peacefully on Saturday at 8.35am.

She passed away surrounded by her children and her husband. When I peered into her coffin that night, I saw the smile her daughters had told me about. Of course I shed tears for her. And many a times in movies, I always wondered how it was to have flashbacks and at exactly that moment, I experienced flashbacks of those times she sat with me and joked about everything under the sun, I had flashbacks of her cheeky grin and her throw-her-head-back laughter when someone told her a good joke, her "ta" expression when she sees a cute picture of a kitten and her tight embrace when she meets me after a long time. Flashbacks. And then I come back to reality and I see her lying still in the coffin, her last place of rest. And I feel nothing but heartbreak.

Goodbye Aunty Edith. I will miss you.