Confessions of a new bride.

So, I am married.

And a week before I made the big plunge that ended my single-dom and privatised my "shares which were listed on the public exchange" so to speak, I got the news that the ex's mum has discovered that 3/4 of her lungs have been ravaged by cancer. The doctor gave her a month to live. I could not stop thinking how her cancer came back the same year the ex and I broke up. And in that 7 years we were together she lived a cancer free life. It drives me crazy that I may not be able to say my goodbye to her. I am of course deeply, deeply saddened by this.

The hubby finds it hard to understand why I would be so affected by someone whom I should have left and filed under "past life". But the fact is that she and I were close. I may no longer speak to her son but I still called to speak to her, I still visited her (secretly so as not to offend her new daughter in law) and I could make her laugh. Now the possibility of never ever hearing her laugh or enjoying her sense of humor bring tears to my eyes. How can God take away someone so full of life, someone who has so much to live for? They say God only takes away the good ones- it's now hit home how true that is.

The imminence of losing her has made me realise the importance of the decisions I have made in my life so far. When I first started dating my husband, there was the whole issue or race and religion which caused me a lot of grief. Many nights I sat and wondered if I should just walk away and never look back. Many days were spent plotting a possible solution which will see me being to escape religious persecutions or restrictions. But everything that I tried to structure always came back to the single question of "what about my parents?"

I speak to my parents every day. Yes, every day. Not because I have to, but because I want to. I speak to them about everything I can possibly think of- my day, their day, work and their new favourite topic, my husband. My parents are not the young sprightly things they were 20 years ago. They have aged, they lose things, they forget things and they move and speak slower. And I worry about them constantly.

I can choose to leave this country and pursue many opportunities out there or I can sit here in envy of the things some people have done with their lives - visiting countries, experiencing new cultures, meeting new people, doing different things. But I choose envy over possible regret. A regret which is possible if anything were to happen to my parents, I will not be able to come back quick enough or respond fast enough. A regret which I saw on a girl's facebook page that she could not kiss her father for the last time before he was buried because she was on a different continent when he breathed his last. A regret she has a tough time getting over. A regret which I know will haunt me forever.

I have made many decisions in my life in the past three years which I have never regretted. Friends have come into my life, overstayed and have promptly left. Some I have missed and some I realised should have left sooner. A month or two before I got hitched a friend or 17 years told me to "get lost" and that I have become so selfish she could no longer take it anymore. I promptly told her " yes, I have changed because I no longer live my life the way you want me to." We may have spent many good times together, but I will not spend a single minute mourning over a friendship that was never appreciated. If one is a true friend, we stick by each other through thick and thin. We do not abandon the other at the first or second or even third sign of trouble. We.stick.by.each.other.

I have made many new friends over the past years. Those who have willingly stayed for hours to help me with my wedding preparations. (You know who you are boys!) And also friends of whom I have known for 10 years and may not speak to on a daily basis, but who have reminded me that if I ever needed anything, they will be there for me.

Life is just too short for regrets. Love, if you can. And if you can't find love or if it eludes you, take your time. There are no timelines to finding someone. And if you decide you would rather be going at it alone, then find happiness in that. Do not let others dictate the life you want to lead, whom you should spend it with and how you should go about it. Keep the company that gives you contentment. Sacrifice for those whom you think are worth it and at the end of it all, be happy.

3 years ago, I chose to be happy. And I have never looked back since.