Is this love?

Over dinner last night, I experienced the husband's best friend do an ex-gf bashing. Except that it wasn't his own ex, but my husband's ex.

She was so materialistic. I tried to tell him but he was so defensive of her.
What is with her eyeliner? She looked like a panda.
She told me he had to marry her if not she would cut off his balls.
She said she saved all her own money for "their future", and she's only going to use his money for everything else.

All the while I sat there and wondered. If she were really THAT bad, how did they stay together for 5 years?

Then again, I stayed with my ex for 7 years. And it was one of those ho-hum, we're getting by type of relationship. Where I'm not exactly happy, but I am not exactly unhappy either.  Still we stuck together for 7 whole years before I decided maybe, just maybe, I want to be deliriously happy. So I packed up and left.

Why do we do this to ourselves? Stay with a partner we are not entirely happy with but we tolerate because we are comfortable with how things are, and much too petrified to venture out into the big scary world of dating?

A week ago, a friend of mine sent me a text "N has broken up with me for good. After 11 *bleep bleep* years of being together".

My first thought was, finally. Now they can both find someone else that can make them both happy.
I always thought their relationship was sort of a ho hum, we're not really lovers or friends, but somehow we are together type of relationship.

They lived apart for the past 5 years of their 11 year relationship. He across the causeway and she here. They meet possibly once a month or less. And there was never any passion in their relationship. It was more like a friendship but with WAY more emotion involved.

How important is passion in a relationship? As we all know, most if not all relationship starts with a fireball of passion which eventually sizzles into little spurts of passion. But there must still be passion, right? We must feel passionately about someone to the exclusion of others. If not, what makes this particular person so special?

When I talk about passion, I do not mean passionate love making, but passion in sharing everything that the other person is. His ambitions, his fears, his beliefs, his everything.

I have always believed that we are all entitled to be happy. And that means that if someone leaves because he or she has found someone new, then its something we have to accept because he is no longer happy. Why stay with someone who no longer wants to be with you? Why threaten suicide? Why say I want my blood on your hands? All you will ever get is resentment.

The sooner we accept the reality of the situation, the easier it becomes to open our hearts to someone else. There is always someone out there who will understand your moods, accept your quirks and habits, enjoy your company, love your family, appreciate your intelligence (or lack of it), laugh at your jokes and swoon over your looks.

And if you can find that someone why wouldn't you give yourself the chance and have the courage to go out there and find it??

So for the new year, do yourself a favour. Resolve that you will find happiness. Resolve that to do that you need courage to break free from all the things that hold you back such as complacency and fear. And I hope you find love and I hope that you discover passion. And most of all, I hope that you will find contentment.

Everyone assumes I am an undercover tai tai.

I am not sure why people always assume I earn big bucks or that I am high maintenance.

I'm not sure why they think so. Because it sure as hell is not true.

I don't strut around like others with their Chanel handbags and Ferragamo shoes. Or publish photos of their prized possessions of branded bags and Tiffany charms. And their never ending trips to half way across the world, their indulgent purchases and their beautiful clothes.

That has never been me.

I've always been the one who does not own a hair dryer.  Much less use one.
My compact face powder thing ran out after 6 years, I officially bought a new one 3 months ago.
My most expensive pair of shoes were bought for my wedding. They are now safely kept in the shoe box for fear of ruining it.
I cut my hair every 6 months when I begin to resemble a lion. A messy, unkempt one.
I buy my clothes mainly from my hometown because things are WAY cheaper there and even if my jeans don't yell ZARA or 7 for Mankind, who cares? It fits me well.

My fear in life has never been about not having enough material possessions. It has never been about what bags, shoes, clothes or jewellery I have.
It has always been about security.

The first thing I ever bought with my first paycheck was life and medical insurance. From there, I moved on to buying my first property. It sucked a big chunk of my income but it was and still is for a good cause. The value of my first home has gone up about 40% since 2005. Not sure how Chanel bags will have that possibility of appreciation of value.

I've never been into buying big cars, or the latest gadgets or going to the latest night clubs to see and be seen.

That has never been me.

Three years ago I decided it was time I took up my Masters in Law. And that sucked up another big chunk of my income. People laugh at me and call me stupid for spending the money and the time for something people in the legal circle do not care for anyway.

But that is my security in the future should I decide I no longer want to be in practice. I can teach, I can lecture, I can be in academics.
It has always been about security.

The security of being able to EARN.
The security of earning and being able to SAVE.

The security of having enough savings and never having to worry about money.

I didn't grow up rich. Money has always been a constant worry for me. It will always be a source of worry for me.

My anxiety over money has tripled over these two months now that I am embarking on this whole running my own firm thing.
Scrap that, its has not tripled, it gazillioned (if there is such a word).

So please, for those who come up to me and say, "Oh you married a pilot, why do you have to worry about money? You should stop working!"

I married a pilot, I didn't marry a person who owns an airline.

It means he still earns an income, and like everyone who earns an income, there may come a day where they may not be able to command that income or stop earning altogether.

Never put all your eggs in one basket.  Besides, I am fully capable of earning my own money.
So if he gives me money, and I still have my own money, that can only mean I have MORE MONEY.

Sounds good to me.

Oh, everyone has a legal problem until you ask for money.

Everybody has a legal problem until you ask them to pay you some money to give them some legal advice.

Sure, you could send me an email or two with some legal queries. Hey, I have this man who insist that we signed a tenancy agreement when we didn't, what shall I do?
Someone stole some money from my office, what shall I do?

Sure, I can tell you what to do. But when you asks

Can you help me draft a letter to his lawyer?
Can you help me make a police report?
Can you help me speak to the Investigating Officer?
Can you please draft a letter for me to answer to his allegations?
Can you write a letter to complain about the lack of action on the part of the police?
Can you can you can you?

Yeah I can. Just show me where the money is, and I certainly can.

It's not about being money minded ,or "oh you can't even do me a favour".

A favour is maybe a letter or two, a phone call or two. But a few whole months of email after email, draft agreements after draft agreements, police reports etc?

Sorry there really is no such thing as a free lunch.

I truly do not survive only on fresh air and sunshine.

This whole working for yourself thing is shit.

This whole running your own firm is shit too.

                                             This is how I feel on most days in this whole running my 
                                                                                   own firm thing.