Just about a week ago, in the midst of my family - I was busy cursing and ranting that a man had rudely taken the parking lot which I trailed two ladies for. I then said he had gestured to me that I was going against traffic and that he was therefore entitled to take that parking. In between all the cursing and ranting, the hubby chimes "The last time someone went against traffic and took a parking you didn't like it."
RULE NUMBER 1: Does NOT matter what I did and did not like the last time. While I am ranting about something, you SUPPORT my ranting and insist, just like how I insisted, that I am RIGHT and the other person is WRONG.
RULE NUMBER 2: You can THINK of the above statement, but you do NOT say it out loud while I am ranting about it.
RULE NUMBER 3: I am always right.
As long as you follow the above three rules, you will succeed in your marriage. Trust me. (Read rule number 3)
Friday, October 28, 2011
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
No More Goodbyes and Hello again.
The good thing about being married is that marriage teaches you to fight better.
It sounds odd, but it does.
When I was still checking the single box, every argument will lead to a mini tantrum, door slamming, sulking, raising of voices, exchange of insults and more often than not, ending everything by walking out of the house, never to return again. Well, at least for a few hours, or a day or two.
Marriage has "robbed" me of that. Marriage has robbed me of the "luxury" of turning away from the cause of the yelling and screaming and insult exchange. It has swiftly removed all "walking away" privileges. What it has placed on my married shoulders, is a burden- every married person must bear- the burden of learning to fight better.
We have all been guilty of walking away from arguments- please leave me alone, please do not touch me, please stop talking. We walk away, we cool down and we forget. But this cycle of arguing, walking away and forgetting will repeat itself. For an unresolved issue will remain, an unresolved issue- popping up like an annoying zit with an imbedded whitehead that refuses to budge.
Marriage has made me awaken to the realisation that I will still need space to cool off, I will still ask not to be touched or spoken to when I am in a foul mood, and I will still want to be alone to clear my thoughts, but it has also made me realise I can no longer choose to stay that way. I will have to learn to face the demons that threaten to amplify trivial matters into big volcanic proportions that may tear a relationship apart. I've learnt to cherish my relationship more. I have learned that once we've said our "I DO's" we've promised each other that we will work things out together, regardless of what comes our way- because walking away is no longer an option.
Many of us are ready for a wedding, but how many of us are truly prepared for a marriage?
It sounds odd, but it does.
When I was still checking the single box, every argument will lead to a mini tantrum, door slamming, sulking, raising of voices, exchange of insults and more often than not, ending everything by walking out of the house, never to return again. Well, at least for a few hours, or a day or two.
Marriage has "robbed" me of that. Marriage has robbed me of the "luxury" of turning away from the cause of the yelling and screaming and insult exchange. It has swiftly removed all "walking away" privileges. What it has placed on my married shoulders, is a burden- every married person must bear- the burden of learning to fight better.
We have all been guilty of walking away from arguments- please leave me alone, please do not touch me, please stop talking. We walk away, we cool down and we forget. But this cycle of arguing, walking away and forgetting will repeat itself. For an unresolved issue will remain, an unresolved issue- popping up like an annoying zit with an imbedded whitehead that refuses to budge.
Marriage has made me awaken to the realisation that I will still need space to cool off, I will still ask not to be touched or spoken to when I am in a foul mood, and I will still want to be alone to clear my thoughts, but it has also made me realise I can no longer choose to stay that way. I will have to learn to face the demons that threaten to amplify trivial matters into big volcanic proportions that may tear a relationship apart. I've learnt to cherish my relationship more. I have learned that once we've said our "I DO's" we've promised each other that we will work things out together, regardless of what comes our way- because walking away is no longer an option.
Many of us are ready for a wedding, but how many of us are truly prepared for a marriage?
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