I didn't know that.

As of last evening, I thought I was not too terrible a person. That is until the clock hit 10.30pm and the husband sat me down and told me I was egoistic, a complainant, judgmental and critical.

That's quite a lot to take in.

I truly didn't know that I was such a terrible person.

Well, now I do. 

Timebomb: 17 days and counting.

Roughly two weeks before the wedding reception that has seen the wedding guest list balloon from 200 people to 300 people. (the husband is perpetually doing the thumbs up sign when someone calls to say they cannot make it for the wedding- el cheapo I tell you.)

So for the record I only have one pair of shoes. It's gold and it has crystals and it cost me (the husband) a fortune. I thought I could just wing it and wear it with every dress that I had lined up for the day. I'll just have to ask the photographer not to do any artsy shot of the shoes. Sis said "everything goes with gold la haiyoh." So let's just hope her haiyoh is right.

You know the pain of planning a wedding where a majority of your guests consist of pilots and flight attendants? The fact that they can't RSVP until their damned roster is published. And the company is taking forever to issue the damned rosters. So I just have to sit and bite my nails anticipating the yes's and no's which will slowly trickle in. 

The husband can't wrap his head around my need to know exactly who and how many of the who's are coming for the wedding. If 16 people say yes and 4 of them do not RSVP, what do I do? Seat 16 of them in two tables and keep my fingers crossed that the 4 will turn up and fill the table? Or do I just consider them as a no show and fill the spot with someone else? I am more inclined to go with the latter suggestion. I mean, I am chinese. Chinese dinners see the host pay per table. Which means that even if your table only has two people sitting on it, we still pay for ten of them. The husband will say "what to do? Some of them can't seem to confirm. We'll see how." 

No, we will not see how. (I am CHINESE for gods sakes..) We will call them to confirm and if they do not confirm, they will be considered a no show. And should they turn up for the wedding, they can jolly well sit outside the ballroom and tapau something for dinner, at their own expense. 

And by the way, what is up with people with children. I mean if the wedding invite says "Mr & Mrs X" it means just that- Mr and Mrs X. It does not mean Mr & Mrs X and little junior X and little not so junior X.

Seriously, wtf. A simple "hey you, will you be attending my wedding?" always ends up with a gut wrenching, punch in the face, painful response like " yes, my husband and my two/three/four children will be there!"

WHO THE F**K INVITED YOUR CHILDREN?

Not that I am being kiamsiap but if you're going to bring your uninvited children to the wedding, you better be sure your child is able to gobble down an adult portion of the food OR your angpow will cover the cost of your two children taking up two seats on a table which I could well have filled with two adults. And god forbid your child should run around the dinner yelling at the top of his or her lungs, I will SKIN HIM ALIVE. or trip him. or hurt him. whichever is less obvious. But that child will get what he deserves for running around like he's been raised by a pack of chimps.

So, yeah.

Another two weeks before the wedding.

Wish me luck.

Some people said Chinese and Malay cannot be married.

Do not be my leader. Do not command. Walk with me and be my peer.

"All I feel now,
Is the weight of the day,
I need you with me,
To push it away,

When we disappear into each other,
Our Colors appear and bleed into one,

Fade into me, fade into you,
Two of us melting together until we become something new,
We can escape,
And watch the world chasing to find us,
Both of us hidden from view,
If you, fade into me, fade into me.

When I'm broken,
You're the one thing I need,
Like an ocean,
Feel you crash over me,

When we disappear into each other,
Our colors appear and bleed into one,

Fade into me, fade into you,
Two of us melting together until we become something new,
We can escape,
And watch the world chasing to find us,
Both of us hidden from view,
If you, fade into me

Let go, fall in,
Drown in the moment with me,
Sinking 'til we start to breathe,

Fade into me, fade into you,
Two of us melting together until we become something new,
We can escape,
And watch the world chasing to find us,

Fade into me, fade into you,
Two of us melting together until we become something new,
We can escape,
And watch the world chasing to find us,
Both of us hidden from view,
If you, fade into me.
Fade into me.
Fade into me. "

For the majority of the time, I do feel like the husband and I have such a relationship. Whereby we lean on each other to survive the curveballs that the world throws at us.

That is until religion comes into play.

Then I know I am alone.

I know I have made a choice and I have to live with it. But compromise is a word that should not exist only in MY dictionary. It is one that should exist and be practiced in each and everyone's lives. Your religion should never be above others. Your way of life does not trump mine. My culture is not second to yours.

I will not budge and be pliant to all of your (and your family)'s needs and desires. For I have my own life to live.

Yes, I have made a choice. But at the end of the day, nobody will carry the burden of my sorrows or my sins, but myself. So, for this I shall live life the way I choose.