Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Monday, March 21, 2011
Let us make a vow to live with no regrets.
Three days ago, a very good friend's hubby called.
"Hey, just to tell you that N had a stroke and is now in the hospital."
My instant reaction was of course immense grief.
N has been my pillar of strength in my moments of doubt and fear with the recent changes in life. She has held my hand and said "I know you're scared, but it's okay- you know what you're doing is right." She has taken days off to see me make a vow I was doubtful I could keep- for she knew I needed moral support. She spend hours on end listening to me gripe and whine, and she ran in the rain with me to make sure I had everything I needed for the wedding.
And in that few seconds, I thought I had lost everything.
Now I really know what it means to wish I could turn back time.
But there is no turning back time, but only to trudge forward and make the best of it. I held her hand in the hospital and spoke to her. And I go home at night and pray for her recovery. And everyone says " that's all you can do."
The shitty truth is, that really IS all I can do. But I also sit here and wish, I was a better friend to her. I knew she was stressed but I did not find out why. I knew she had recently decided to change jobs, I should have offered to help. I should, could and would, if I knew I may one day never have the chance again.
There is really no point in regrets. And I shall have none because I can try to be a better friend to her today. She will pull through and I will be right there for her whenever and wherever she needs me.
And N, as the ustaz told you the other day.." God loves you" and he will keep you safe.
"Hey, just to tell you that N had a stroke and is now in the hospital."
My instant reaction was of course immense grief.
N has been my pillar of strength in my moments of doubt and fear with the recent changes in life. She has held my hand and said "I know you're scared, but it's okay- you know what you're doing is right." She has taken days off to see me make a vow I was doubtful I could keep- for she knew I needed moral support. She spend hours on end listening to me gripe and whine, and she ran in the rain with me to make sure I had everything I needed for the wedding.
And in that few seconds, I thought I had lost everything.
Now I really know what it means to wish I could turn back time.
But there is no turning back time, but only to trudge forward and make the best of it. I held her hand in the hospital and spoke to her. And I go home at night and pray for her recovery. And everyone says " that's all you can do."
The shitty truth is, that really IS all I can do. But I also sit here and wish, I was a better friend to her. I knew she was stressed but I did not find out why. I knew she had recently decided to change jobs, I should have offered to help. I should, could and would, if I knew I may one day never have the chance again.
There is really no point in regrets. And I shall have none because I can try to be a better friend to her today. She will pull through and I will be right there for her whenever and wherever she needs me.
And N, as the ustaz told you the other day.." God loves you" and he will keep you safe.
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
I need some courage.
Sometimes I think I have made the right decision.Sometimes I think, maybe not.
How many ways can one disappoint their parents? Or their siblings?
Ultimately in life, if I choose to be happy, how many hearts do I crush with the decision that I make? How many people will think I am being stupid? How much of my future is guaranteed to be bright and right?
Oh Dahlia, did you parents have no objections? If only I had your courage.
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